I've always been a huge fan of the Harlem Globetrotters and can't wait to take my kids to see them in a few years. I came across this video today and I thought it was amazing.

 

After a brief Summer rest, we're back with some rockin' tunes, including:

1. Woodfish
2. Carlos Bertonatti
3. David Keen
4. American Catapult

Thanks to PW Fenton for the help with the essay.

Listen to the show here

 

 

 

       I will concede something to you right now - I am not very bright at all. Seriously, I have my moments, but overall I am not the most naturally gifted individual out there. I will further concede to you that the weak point of my game is that devil’s bitch known as science.

    Not that I don’t like science, I do. I just have the natural aptitude towards it that say, Paris Hilton has toward acting. I just kind of nod my head a little and say uh huh and pretend that I understand what’s going on.

    So when I saw this article in today’s paper, man my head almost exploded. Apparently, on the 51st State, Mars, they’ve got the incredibly cool Mars Phoenix Project going on. By the way, didn’t the Mars Phoenix project do a rocking cover of “Blinded By the Light” at the Stone Pony in ’82?

    I’ve been fascinated by everything going on Mars for years. I mean the moon I get, its like just right there, but Mars - man that’s far away - and at four dollars a gallon you’d better believe that we’re not rushing to go back there anytime soon.

    Anyway, in this summer’s edition of the world’s spaciest reality show, those folks at NASA are starting to play with remote control cars and digging toys Yeah, I know that they say that were dealing with some pretty sophisticated and expensive equipment that will provide us generations of scientific research but at the end of the day aren’t they just some big geeky kids over there at NASA playing with amazingly cool toys. I mean its not rocket science what they’re doing.

    Actually, it is rocket science. They’re frickin’ scientists over there. Today, in the paper, they actually reported that the NASA scientists believe that they saw actual ice on Mars because when they were using their dump truck’s scoop, they saw some white dots, and then in the next picture, the dots were gone.  Apparently, in the Martian thin Martian atmosphere, ice would turn into vapor rather than water - which is exactly the same thing that happens when a new M.Night Shamalan movie hits the movie theater lately - just evaporates into thin air. Jesus, with another stretch on a reference like that they’re gonna strap my ass to a rocket and launch me like Wiley Coyote doing a sales call for the old ACME corp.

    But don’t get swayed off the path on this one kids, because what I told you was actually a very big deal. Scientists believe that they saw water, the basic building block of life on an alien surface. This potentially is a big deal. But did you hear what I said about why they think they saw ice?

       Listen to the University of Arizona's Peter Smith, principal investigator for the Phoenix mission, "It must be ice. These little clumps completely disappearing over the course of a few days, that is perfect evidence that it's ice. There had been some question whether the bright material was salt. Salt can't do that."

    Holy Ghost of Patrick Scotty Doohon. Captain, I just don’t believe it. You have got to be kidding me, that with all of their scientific doodaddery they’re relying upon a god darn peek-a-boo theory on the greatest find in outer space? You have got to be kidding me. I’ve seen enough science fiction to know that Mr. Smith is the first red-shirt off the starship that’s gonna get whacked. Give me a break. That’s like the first fifteen minutes of every bad science fiction movie that I ever seen. Next thing you know Sam Neill is going to telling me that those white dots are actually an interstellar gateway to the dark reaches of hell, and the crew’s gonna end up with their eyes all poked out.

    Ok, actually, as I’m saying that - Scott Sigler - that idea’s mine. Crap, I just gave him a rockin’ idea for yet another book. Call me Scott, we’ll work out a deal.

    That being said, I haven’t seen a worse scientific process since Kristie Alley decided to go on a crash diet. I mean come on - its Mars - the red planet - the “Sun
planet” - give me a break. There’s more of a chance of there being Ice in Beezelbub’s gin and tonic than there is that this stuff was actual ice. I mean I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I’ve picked up a log and seen the ants scurry away, so what’s to think that these drops of whatever just didn’t run away. My point is, just because an alien doesn’t walk up to the video camera looking like former Indiana Pacer, Reggie Miller, doesn’t mean they ain’t out there, and for our friends at NASA to just assume....oh man, they better have them watch the Alien triology as a training film or someone’s gonna have a little alien singing “Hello, my darling, hello my baby” right from their chest cavity.

    But let me give our Space Jockeys the benefit of the doubt, I did say that I really never paid attention in science class. I mean it is entirely possible, however unlikely, that science fiction has completely screwed with my cabeza. What does it mean if we really have discovered Martian Ice. Obviously, beyond the whole - very cold basic building block of life thing, this has some major implications for our society.

    I mean think about it, the manifestation of Hillary Clinton’s personality has finally been found to have been cloned on Mars.

    I mean can you imagine the potential commercial implications of this. Hell, Miller Ice just sounds so damn terrerstrial now, because the damn coldest drink in the universe has to be Coors Martian Ice. All those fantastic hip-hop artists, Ice Cube. Vanilla Ice, and friend of the Jersey Toddshow Ice-T, as well as George “the Iceman” Gervin, and Batman villain, Mr. Freeze are all gonna have to take out extensions on their copyright. Long time rivals, Flavor-Ice and Rocket Pops are going to ultimately have to merge to deal with their common interests. However, Icy-Hot may continue to remind people that if you get it on your johnson that it will give you a feeling that’s ‘out of this world.”

    And oh my lord, can you imagine the prissy wenches at the gym with their $100 imported martian ice water. Don’t even get me started

    I mean, I can’t complain, because other than the discussion of Rush Limbaugh’s sex life - when has frigidity gotten so much press?

    For that matter, hey NASA - why don’t you guys figure out a way to bring some of that stuff back - I’d love to try my Scotch with some of that there martian ice....

    Jeez, I probably should have paid better attention in school.

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Hey, its not like I just put the words "Tom Cruise and John Travolta Gay" on my website just for the sole purpose of getting random hits to the page.

That would just be wrong.

 

This was left over on the Mevio site for the Jersey Toddshow, and I had to repost it here....

"One of the more entertaining shows ever! How is it he can find all the great music the fantastic briefs, and work for living too! I bow to Sir Jersey Todd and you should too!"

Uhm, throw in 400-crazed clients, a 3-year old and a 1-year old, and more extra curricular activities then I probably should be involved with, and the Answer is:

I have no freaking idea how I'm pulling this all off.

It does get easier, right?

 

     While the kids are away, JT shall play - the best podsafe music, that is. Featuring:

1. Reel Big Fish
2. Blue Number Nine
3. AM
4. Chris Belden
5. Nelo
   
6. Billie Holiday
   "That Ol' Devil Called Love" (mp3)
   from "Unique"
   (Global Journey)
   
   More On This Album

Special thanks to our Russian Commrades, Zack "The Mothman" Daggy, and my twitter friend, @dcb97.

Visit the Podiobook, "Crusade"

Check out the show here.


      After nine-months of baby world, we finally got out this weekend to see the brand new Indiana Jones flick. I am a huge Indiana Jones fan, and not a week goes by that an Indiana Jones quote doesn't enter into my daily routine. When I deal with insurance adjuster, you might get, a "snakes, I hate snakes" to the specials on the menu, "chilled monkey brains" to a "no time for love, Doctor Jones, we've got to go" when its time to...well actually, my wife says it to me, but she does a heck of a Short Round impersonation. "Very Funny, All Wet. Very Funny."
 
     I'm going to do my best to talk about the movie without ruining it for anyone. I don't think its any secret that the movie takes place approximately 10-years after the last one, and in 1957, the Nazi's and crazy Indian cult leaders are nowhere to be found. In this particular incarnation of the Indiana Jones saga, the bad guys are none other than the Red Menace themselves, the Russians.
 
     I enjoyed the movie. Well, not exactly. To quote the great American philosopher, Randall Jackson, "It was alright dog. It was just alright." There were parts that I liked and parts that well, frankly, made as much sense as Sophia Copolla in Godfather III. Its not that they wrecked the series or anything or destroyed the timeline, but it just kind of felt like an after-school special version of Indiana Jones. It had all the bells and whistles, just I didn't have the same emotional attachment to it. Maybe its cause I'm old and crotchety now. Or maybe from Jackie Chan to Bruce Willis, I've seen the formula now a billion times - the mouse being chased by the cat, who some how works it out in the end. Harrison Ford and Steven Speilberg weren't the first to come up with that idea...hmm Charlie Chaplin maybe....but they certainly perfected it.
 
     Now please, I am such an Indiana Jones head that I actually loved Temple of Doom. Everyone seems to pan it, including Speilberg. But to me, it was just creepy enough, just scary enough, just weird enough, to really work for me. So that being said, like the smart kid in the front of the class, I'd give Crystal Skull an A+ - not for its actual merit or its content, just because its so darn cute just sitting there in the front of the class with its hand up all the time.
 
     This is why, I was so disappointed, no that's not the right word, down right volcano red, steam coming out of the ears, popeye spinning his pipe, angry when I saw the following article this weekend. "Commuinists say that Indiana Jones should be banned in Russia for "Anti-Soviet" Propaganda." I quote - "Harrison Ford" and Cate Blanchett (are) second-rate actors, serving as the running dogs of the CIA. We need to deprive these people of the right of entering the country," said party member, Andrei Gindos. Party member Viktor Perov said: ' What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathised when Bin Laden hit them. 'But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists.'    
     
     Vladimir Mukhin, another member of the local Communist Party, said in comments posted on the Internet site that he would ask Russia's Culture Ministry to ban the film for its "anti-Soviet propaganda."
 
     This is not the first time that these Russians have had something to say about American films.  In 1998 the Russian parliament demanded the government explain why the Hollywood film "Armageddon" - which depicted a dilapidated Russian space station that blows apart because of a leaky pipe -- was allowed onto Russian cinema screens. A government official at the time said the film, "mocked the achievements of Soviet and Russian technology."
 
     Indeed, in 2004, they posted the following. "The Notebook. Loved it. Two snaps and a bag of chips. That Ryan Gosling sure can warm up a cold winter's night."
 
     All I have to say to my Russian Comrades. Really? Oh really? Is that where we're going here. You guys have some real stones, don't you? May I remind you one thing - you lost the Cold War. Its over, baby. My lord, there's an Apple Store on the Red Square. There's a Starbucks in the ol' KGB Building. You don't hear the Confederate Army doing movie reviews. You don't hear the Nazi party doing a piece on Access Hollywood. Face it Boris, you've got absolutely no standing to even issue a frickin press release on this isssue.
 
     Here's a riddle for you. Who's buried in Lenin's Tomb? The answer: Who cares? I mean really, the Communists were scary to me somewhere between Red Dawn and Nikolai Volkoff. I mean you've got Sean Connery losing one of your nuclear subs, then what does that say about you as third-rate former Superpower?
 
     Oh wait, Sean Connery, that was just a movie, and sure he was a haircut away from having the exact same accent in "Rising Sun" - but isn't that my point. Its just a damn movie. Its a money maker. I can't think of how many Russians are going to be deprived the opportunity to eat popcorn and sip vodka from a Pepsi container, which is exactly the way that I saw Chris Farley's Black Sheep, but that's a story for another day.
 
     If your education system is worth half a potato, Russian kids can separate fact from fiction. Indeed, I can't imagine any kid, of any culture, actually thinking that these were accurate events of 1957. Maybe John McCain, but not Russian kids. They're smarter than that.
 
     Its a smoke screen. Its mirrors. Its special effects. I'm not saying the movie, I'm saying - the Russian government. They've got more problems than downtown Little Rock, Arkansas, and maybe half the BBQ restaurants. By these Russian nimrods wasting valuable spotlight time for something stupid as this, well that's just sad. I dunno, deal with your own terrorist problems. Deal with your own burgeoning economy. I dunno maybe make your own damn movie. Comrade Smith and One-Legged Mule. I don't care one bit. In fact, the whole free exchange of ideas did more to bring down Communism than Victoria Secret Catelogs and Hershey's Kisses. I'm sure the Victoria's Secret catalogues didn't hurt, but the whole idea of banning a movie just because you disagree with the content just sticks in my craw. The whole thing just comes off as sour grapes. Capitalism didn't kill Communism. Communism killed communism. Because at the end of the day, people don't want their government to tell them what they can and can't do.
 
     Russia has been, and continues to be one of the places that I'd like to visit someday. I've got family ties to Russia. Yeah, my family was tied up by Russians when they were living in Germany. No I kid, I'd love to go to Russia. Its like visiting Syracuse but without the sunshine once a week. Oh stop, don't get me started about Russian food - its great if you like cold beets. Stop, don't get me started - we all know that our supermodels are smarter than their supermodels. Wait, actually, both sets of supermodels are dumber than a bag of rocks. My point is that, I'm kidding. I'd love to visit Russia someday. Of course, if I can't go to a Russian movie theater and order a gallon of popcorn, a supersized Coke, some Jujibees and some junior mints.
 
    Well, then I'm just gonna stay home.