A special thanks to DJ Z Trip for allowing me to play his fantastic Barack Obama Mix. Go Vote!

Listen to the show here

Back with a vengance, its the Jersey Toddshow. I was all fired up tonight about Podcamp Philly, and the Podcasting community. The good, bad, and ugly is all here. (Well, I'm not sure about the ugly....)

Featuring

1. Walt Ribeiro
2. Jim Boggia
3. Linda Chorney
4. Koufax
5. Nelo
6. Jakob Martin

Listen to the show here

Buy these albums

 

I interviewed these gentlemen a couple weeks ago, but I had to once again encourage you to check out their album. I am absolutely addicted to it, and you will be, too.

 

My candidate, Barack Obama, took some silly heat from John McCain today, because he said the following:

"You can put lipstick on a pig," Obama said during a campaign stop. "It's still a pig. You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change. It's still going to stink after eight years."

McCain's campaign accused Obama of "smearing" Governor Palin, in "offensive and disgraceful" comments and demanded an apology — though McCain himself used the folksy metaphor a few times last year,including once to describe Hillary Rodham Clinton's health care plan.

As you know, I love to write, and I am not 100% sure that the phrase was something provided to Senator Obama, or if it was something that he came up with on the spur of the moment. However, in an effort, to help the Obama campaign, the following are phrases to avoid in the future as to not offend the hypersensitive McCain/Palin ticket:

1. "We need to stop pork in Washington"
2. "Dumber than whale blubber"
3. "You can't put a ribbon on a turd."
4. "An empty pants-suit"
5. "You can't put a pair of glasses on a pig and call it Professor"
6. "Sillier than building an igloo on the equator"

I have known pigs, pigs have been friends of mine, and Sarah Palin is no pig with lipstick. Saying so would only insult a well respected member of the barnyard community, and I don't believe that was Senator Obama's intention.

Compare the McCain/Palin reaction to perceived name calling to the Obama reaction, and really think about who is addressing the substantive issues here.

Finally, what's good for the goose is indeed good for the the porker.

 

Today, I attended Podcamp Philly. Here are my observations:

1. Actual Podcast listening is down among podcasters. Actual Podcast listening among the rest of society is up.
2. Tired: Transparency. Wired: Independent Campaign Management
3. Not all Philly Cheesesteaks are something to write home about.
4. Advertisers that are concerned with CDM don't really get podcasting but are willing to try it for those shows that can give them hard numbers. Reaching out to Mom/Pop businesses has far more potential for revenue streams.
5. The "Jersey Todd" brand is strong among other podcasters. Some still listen to the show. (See #1)
6. Its been 10-years since I've sat in a classroom, and I still don't know how to behave.
7. Matthew Ebel made the fantastic "Beer and Coffee" album in his bedroom, and is taller in person than I expected.
   
8. There are very few people who understand their hardware that are capable of actually using it well for good content. There are very few people with good content that are actually any good at using their hardware. Somewhere in the middle are the good podcasts.
9. Twitter is the new way to pass notes in class
10. There is a really good reason why some audio podcasters should remain audio podcasters. (I am including myself in this bunch - we're all a bunch of mutts).
    

1. The Ying Yang Twins
2. Joanna Burns
3. Rinaldi Sings
4. JJ Grey and Mofro
5. Christian Brown
6. Jakob Martin

 

Today, I spoke with Brian of the Star Ledger regarding Michael Strahan's divorce and possible return to the Giants. Brian does a fantastic webcast that you need to check out (and maybe he'll have me back some day).

Check out the reviews of the episode on "The Exploding Newsroom"

Ledger Live- 08-26-08

If that title doesn't grab you, what does?

Featuring:

1. John Taglieri
2. Paul French
3. Geoff Smith
4. The Fire Apes
5. Griffen Gilgamesh
6. The Ampersands
7. James Dunn
8. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

Download the show here

     As a kid, I loved reruns of the Carol Burnett show. In fact, I have in my posession autographs from Tim Conway and the late, great, Harvey Korman. I will even go as far to say, that I would put the Carol Burnett show right next to Saturday Night Live as one of the greatest sketch comedy shows of all time. This is a non-argument, and if you disagree with me, go over to YouTube, right now and you'll see what I'm talking about - absolute classic stuff.

 

Check out this nice email that I got from the boys at Woodfish.

'Hey Todd, I told the 95.9 WRAT to plug your podcast. They are pushing our show for this Saturday and I had them use a quote from, you, “They are just a lot of fun, with a mix of sounds and enthusiasm that is just infectious.” Plus it’s a nice plug for your podcast.

Now podcasting, is taking over FM.
 
Listen in tonight around 8:50; 9:50; 11:50 and tomorrow too. The times are not exact though'

 

 

According to reports on the net, our friends at Mevio have gotten another round of venture capital - this time in the amount of $15 million dollars. I don't know the first thing about venture capital, how it works, or what is expected in return - all I know is that is a lot of greenbacks. I'm sure we can expect some good stuff out of this. However, in my continuing effort to help out those wacky kids, here's how they should spend the cash:

1. Improved bagels on Fridays. Perhaps even some of those funky cream cheeses.
2. Squash some blubrrys
3. Two words: "Stripper Tuesday"
4. Get Trinity a lube job - the car, not the secretary.
5. Open a Mevio office in New Jersey. We've got connections (I'll say no more about this).
6. Send a fruit basket to Steve Jobs
7. Flu clinic with Dr. Ron Paul
8. Diction lessons for Comic Strip Blogger.
9. Hair Gel, Hair Gel, Hair Gel.
10. Free tanks of gas for every listener of the Jersey Toddshow. There might be a few bucks left over after this.

Slurring by the end of the show - that can't be a good thing. But I did play you some amazing music, including:

1. Geoff Smith
2. The Maine
3. Little Plastic Stars
4. Kelly Zullo
5. Rick Barry

Listen to the show here

 

 

I am starting to get the reports in about the Supreme Court's ruling today in District of Columbia v. Heller, in which the Court struck down the District of Columbia's 32-year-old ban on handguns as incompatible with gun rights under the Second Amendment.

Dick Anthony Heller, 66, an armed security guard, sued the District after it rejected his application to keep a handgun at his home for protection in the same Capitol Hill neighborhood as the court.

 

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia ruled in Heller's favor and struck down Washington's handgun ban, saying the Constitution guarantees Americans the right to own guns and that a total prohibition on handguns is not compatible with that right., the Supreme Court upheld that decision by a 5-4 margin.

 

Justice Scalia (who looks so much like Emeril Lagasse, that I half expect that he says "Bam!" every time he finishes a decision), writing for the majority, went with an interpretation of the Second Amendment from a historical perspective, saying that the Constitution does not permit "the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home."

 

There is an old saying, "bad cases make bad law", and I think this is the situation here. Mr. Heller appears to have been a responsible gun user, and dear-lord-don't-let-my-progressive-friends-read-this, but from a strict textualist interpretation of the Constitution, Justice Scalia is perfectly right, as the law applies to Mr. Heller.

 

The problem is, however, in the application of this case to other cases. I am terrified that the ruling may create other bad cases. For example, what's to stop a legislature from presuming that all people in a crime ridden neighborhood are not keeping guns for self-defense, but to commit crimes? You know what they say – one bad apple ruins it for the whole bunch.

 

How is this going to affect machine guns or other heavy firearms? Because you know me, I believe that a good self-defense is a good offense. I think I should be able to keep a Spanish cannon on top of my house and shoot golden cannonballs at the mail man, because I’m convinced that that this frakker is bringing me some bad news.

 

But Justice Scalia says that I can only have a gun for self-defense in the home. So I guess that means when Aunt Mary comes at me with another helping of that corn and Land O’Lakes monstrosity because that thing is a killer.

 

But what’s great about this is that we can thank Justice Scalia – big time – remember all those Federal laws banning assault rifles and machine guns. Well, those puppies are done and done now – because baby, I’ve played Doom, and I’ve seen Dawn of the Dead, and you know I just think I’m gonna have to on over to my local Wal-Mart and get me a rail gun. Because when those level 2 Orcs break through my outer defenses I better possess a whole lot of fire power.

 

But remember, Justice Scalia says that you can only posess a gun in the house for self-defense. So remember, no cracking walnuts with your pea-shooter. No driving in the last nail with your Tommy-gun. Oh and if you intend to have a gun in your house to shoot yourself in the foot, or otherwise harm yourself – well, that’s against the law.

 

And I love this – did you know that convicted felons in this country lose the right to possess a fire arm. They can’t even have a gun for self-defense. Aren’t they the ones who need them the most?? Jeez, if you rob a bank or sell drugs, man you’re going to have some enemies!

 

Here’s what I think, and I know George would have approved, and I think Justice Scalia would approve, too. We need more guns. You move into a new house, there should be an AK-AK with a bow on the counter right next to a bowl of fruit. You get a promotion at work, “hey bob, here’s that gold silencer we promised you.”

 

We need guns for every man, woman and child. Think of the business opportunities. This would jump start the economy: the new iPopper – it plays Mp3s and shoots .33s. Talk about your Saturday Night Special! Victoria’s Secret could do a whole line of gun holsters. How hot is that?

 

But you know Scalia and the majority had even a problem with trigger locks, and I agree, because if some robber is coming after you who has time to get a key. Trust me the folks at Masterlock are fuming.

 

And think about the children. The poor wee children. Hell, between their Grand Theft Autos and Call of Duty’s our kids are already a crack shot. But we are cheating them – cheating them. You wouldn’t give your beautiful daughter a picture of a nutritious meal – no you’d want to give her the real thing, right? So stop depriving your kids, you bastard!

 

So at the end of the day, what does this all mean? It means that Mr. Heller was a nice little old man who didn’t feel that his tax dollars were going to good use in having the DC Police take care of his safety. Mr. Heller, a security guard, wasn’t so concerned about your and my security, but he wanted the option to blast a Jehovah’s Witness when they came to the door to sell him some Reese’s Pieces.

 

And 5 Justices of the Supreme Court either liked him or liked the ability to pretend they could get into Thomas Jefferson’s skull cap. I say good. You know who really benefits from this decision – the lawyers, the Judges, and of course the hospitals. Because now, every application for a gun is going to have to be viewed with ultra strict scrutiny that we’re going to need Tom Cruise’s Minority Report team to figure out where the gun’s gonna go before we even give it to people.

 

Why should the Supreme Court do anything to protect us? We didn’t vote for them. They don’t owe us anything. They liked Heller and Heller gets to keep his gun. Nuthin for nuthin, maybe Scalia made the other four an offer they couldn’t refuse. Or maybe, he’s in a fantasy world and thinks its Second Life and not the Second Amendment. Look, when other problems come up, screw it, we’ll deal with that on a case by case basis. Its good. Those Supreme Court guys and gals are going to have enough work to keep them busy for life.

Already, there have been a ton of new lawsuits filed. In Atlanta today, there was a law suit filed attempting to over turn a law that bans guns in an airport terminal. You know George would have loved the idea of the words guns and terminal floating together. But what's better than an airport to have a gun when you're picking up mom and dad when they're finally back from their trip from the Yucatan. It certainly brings a whole new ring to the whole duty free thing. I'll take a case of Marlboro's and, wow, dear look at the discount - stick em up. Its all just so synchronous, and I think somewhere in heaven - George Carlin is smiling. 

Come to think of it, if George were here – he would have smacked me on the back of the head for saying that.

Check out my interview with the band Woodfish

Check out the show here

 

 

 

I've always been a huge fan of the Harlem Globetrotters and can't wait to take my kids to see them in a few years. I came across this video today and I thought it was amazing.

 

After a brief Summer rest, we're back with some rockin' tunes, including:

1. Woodfish
2. Carlos Bertonatti
3. David Keen
4. American Catapult

Thanks to PW Fenton for the help with the essay.

Listen to the show here

 

 

 

       I will concede something to you right now - I am not very bright at all. Seriously, I have my moments, but overall I am not the most naturally gifted individual out there. I will further concede to you that the weak point of my game is that devil’s bitch known as science.

    Not that I don’t like science, I do. I just have the natural aptitude towards it that say, Paris Hilton has toward acting. I just kind of nod my head a little and say uh huh and pretend that I understand what’s going on.

    So when I saw this article in today’s paper, man my head almost exploded. Apparently, on the 51st State, Mars, they’ve got the incredibly cool Mars Phoenix Project going on. By the way, didn’t the Mars Phoenix project do a rocking cover of “Blinded By the Light” at the Stone Pony in ’82?

    I’ve been fascinated by everything going on Mars for years. I mean the moon I get, its like just right there, but Mars - man that’s far away - and at four dollars a gallon you’d better believe that we’re not rushing to go back there anytime soon.

    Anyway, in this summer’s edition of the world’s spaciest reality show, those folks at NASA are starting to play with remote control cars and digging toys Yeah, I know that they say that were dealing with some pretty sophisticated and expensive equipment that will provide us generations of scientific research but at the end of the day aren’t they just some big geeky kids over there at NASA playing with amazingly cool toys. I mean its not rocket science what they’re doing.

    Actually, it is rocket science. They’re frickin’ scientists over there. Today, in the paper, they actually reported that the NASA scientists believe that they saw actual ice on Mars because when they were using their dump truck’s scoop, they saw some white dots, and then in the next picture, the dots were gone.  Apparently, in the Martian thin Martian atmosphere, ice would turn into vapor rather than water - which is exactly the same thing that happens when a new M.Night Shamalan movie hits the movie theater lately - just evaporates into thin air. Jesus, with another stretch on a reference like that they’re gonna strap my ass to a rocket and launch me like Wiley Coyote doing a sales call for the old ACME corp.

    But don’t get swayed off the path on this one kids, because what I told you was actually a very big deal. Scientists believe that they saw water, the basic building block of life on an alien surface. This potentially is a big deal. But did you hear what I said about why they think they saw ice?

       Listen to the University of Arizona's Peter Smith, principal investigator for the Phoenix mission, "It must be ice. These little clumps completely disappearing over the course of a few days, that is perfect evidence that it's ice. There had been some question whether the bright material was salt. Salt can't do that."

    Holy Ghost of Patrick Scotty Doohon. Captain, I just don’t believe it. You have got to be kidding me, that with all of their scientific doodaddery they’re relying upon a god darn peek-a-boo theory on the greatest find in outer space? You have got to be kidding me. I’ve seen enough science fiction to know that Mr. Smith is the first red-shirt off the starship that’s gonna get whacked. Give me a break. That’s like the first fifteen minutes of every bad science fiction movie that I ever seen. Next thing you know Sam Neill is going to telling me that those white dots are actually an interstellar gateway to the dark reaches of hell, and the crew’s gonna end up with their eyes all poked out.

    Ok, actually, as I’m saying that - Scott Sigler - that idea’s mine. Crap, I just gave him a rockin’ idea for yet another book. Call me Scott, we’ll work out a deal.

    That being said, I haven’t seen a worse scientific process since Kristie Alley decided to go on a crash diet. I mean come on - its Mars - the red planet - the “Sun
planet” - give me a break. There’s more of a chance of there being Ice in Beezelbub’s gin and tonic than there is that this stuff was actual ice. I mean I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I’ve picked up a log and seen the ants scurry away, so what’s to think that these drops of whatever just didn’t run away. My point is, just because an alien doesn’t walk up to the video camera looking like former Indiana Pacer, Reggie Miller, doesn’t mean they ain’t out there, and for our friends at NASA to just assume....oh man, they better have them watch the Alien triology as a training film or someone’s gonna have a little alien singing “Hello, my darling, hello my baby” right from their chest cavity.

    But let me give our Space Jockeys the benefit of the doubt, I did say that I really never paid attention in science class. I mean it is entirely possible, however unlikely, that science fiction has completely screwed with my cabeza. What does it mean if we really have discovered Martian Ice. Obviously, beyond the whole - very cold basic building block of life thing, this has some major implications for our society.

    I mean think about it, the manifestation of Hillary Clinton’s personality has finally been found to have been cloned on Mars.

    I mean can you imagine the potential commercial implications of this. Hell, Miller Ice just sounds so damn terrerstrial now, because the damn coldest drink in the universe has to be Coors Martian Ice. All those fantastic hip-hop artists, Ice Cube. Vanilla Ice, and friend of the Jersey Toddshow Ice-T, as well as George “the Iceman” Gervin, and Batman villain, Mr. Freeze are all gonna have to take out extensions on their copyright. Long time rivals, Flavor-Ice and Rocket Pops are going to ultimately have to merge to deal with their common interests. However, Icy-Hot may continue to remind people that if you get it on your johnson that it will give you a feeling that’s ‘out of this world.”

    And oh my lord, can you imagine the prissy wenches at the gym with their $100 imported martian ice water. Don’t even get me started

    I mean, I can’t complain, because other than the discussion of Rush Limbaugh’s sex life - when has frigidity gotten so much press?

    For that matter, hey NASA - why don’t you guys figure out a way to bring some of that stuff back - I’d love to try my Scotch with some of that there martian ice....

    Jeez, I probably should have paid better attention in school.

It only makes sense for your home for the best Podsafe music available to strongly endorse the best music service available. If you haven't checked it out yet, there are no obligations, no fuss, and no mess. It is 100% fat free, and zero calories.

If you have not already checked out eMusic, I encourage you to do so.

On another note, people are always asking how to get more hits on their website to attract people to their sponsors. Its not about viral marketing or anything else - you just have to have the words, "Alyssa Milano Naked" or "Jessica Alba Boobs", and just let the search engines work their magic for you.

Hey, its not like I just put the words "Tom Cruise and John Travolta Gay" on my website just for the sole purpose of getting random hits to the page.

That would just be wrong.

 

This was left over on the Mevio site for the Jersey Toddshow, and I had to repost it here....

"One of the more entertaining shows ever! How is it he can find all the great music the fantastic briefs, and work for living too! I bow to Sir Jersey Todd and you should too!"

Uhm, throw in 400-crazed clients, a 3-year old and a 1-year old, and more extra curricular activities then I probably should be involved with, and the Answer is:

I have no freaking idea how I'm pulling this all off.

It does get easier, right?

 

     While the kids are away, JT shall play - the best podsafe music, that is. Featuring:

1. Reel Big Fish
2. Blue Number Nine
3. AM
4. Chris Belden
5. Nelo
   
6. Billie Holiday
   "That Ol' Devil Called Love" (mp3)
   from "Unique"
   (Global Journey)
   
   More On This Album

Special thanks to our Russian Commrades, Zack "The Mothman" Daggy, and my twitter friend, @dcb97.

Visit the Podiobook, "Crusade"

Check out the show here.


      After nine-months of baby world, we finally got out this weekend to see the brand new Indiana Jones flick. I am a huge Indiana Jones fan, and not a week goes by that an Indiana Jones quote doesn't enter into my daily routine. When I deal with insurance adjuster, you might get, a "snakes, I hate snakes" to the specials on the menu, "chilled monkey brains" to a "no time for love, Doctor Jones, we've got to go" when its time to...well actually, my wife says it to me, but she does a heck of a Short Round impersonation. "Very Funny, All Wet. Very Funny."
 
     I'm going to do my best to talk about the movie without ruining it for anyone. I don't think its any secret that the movie takes place approximately 10-years after the last one, and in 1957, the Nazi's and crazy Indian cult leaders are nowhere to be found. In this particular incarnation of the Indiana Jones saga, the bad guys are none other than the Red Menace themselves, the Russians.
 
     I enjoyed the movie. Well, not exactly. To quote the great American philosopher, Randall Jackson, "It was alright dog. It was just alright." There were parts that I liked and parts that well, frankly, made as much sense as Sophia Copolla in Godfather III. Its not that they wrecked the series or anything or destroyed the timeline, but it just kind of felt like an after-school special version of Indiana Jones. It had all the bells and whistles, just I didn't have the same emotional attachment to it. Maybe its cause I'm old and crotchety now. Or maybe from Jackie Chan to Bruce Willis, I've seen the formula now a billion times - the mouse being chased by the cat, who some how works it out in the end. Harrison Ford and Steven Speilberg weren't the first to come up with that idea...hmm Charlie Chaplin maybe....but they certainly perfected it.
 
     Now please, I am such an Indiana Jones head that I actually loved Temple of Doom. Everyone seems to pan it, including Speilberg. But to me, it was just creepy enough, just scary enough, just weird enough, to really work for me. So that being said, like the smart kid in the front of the class, I'd give Crystal Skull an A+ - not for its actual merit or its content, just because its so darn cute just sitting there in the front of the class with its hand up all the time.
 
     This is why, I was so disappointed, no that's not the right word, down right volcano red, steam coming out of the ears, popeye spinning his pipe, angry when I saw the following article this weekend. "Commuinists say that Indiana Jones should be banned in Russia for "Anti-Soviet" Propaganda." I quote - "Harrison Ford" and Cate Blanchett (are) second-rate actors, serving as the running dogs of the CIA. We need to deprive these people of the right of entering the country," said party member, Andrei Gindos. Party member Viktor Perov said: ' What galls is how together with America we defeated Hitler, and how we sympathised when Bin Laden hit them. 'But they go ahead and scare kids with Communists.'    
     
     Vladimir Mukhin, another member of the local Communist Party, said in comments posted on the Internet site that he would ask Russia's Culture Ministry to ban the film for its "anti-Soviet propaganda."
 
     This is not the first time that these Russians have had something to say about American films.  In 1998 the Russian parliament demanded the government explain why the Hollywood film "Armageddon" - which depicted a dilapidated Russian space station that blows apart because of a leaky pipe -- was allowed onto Russian cinema screens. A government official at the time said the film, "mocked the achievements of Soviet and Russian technology."
 
     Indeed, in 2004, they posted the following. "The Notebook. Loved it. Two snaps and a bag of chips. That Ryan Gosling sure can warm up a cold winter's night."
 
     All I have to say to my Russian Comrades. Really? Oh really? Is that where we're going here. You guys have some real stones, don't you? May I remind you one thing - you lost the Cold War. Its over, baby. My lord, there's an Apple Store on the Red Square. There's a Starbucks in the ol' KGB Building. You don't hear the Confederate Army doing movie reviews. You don't hear the Nazi party doing a piece on Access Hollywood. Face it Boris, you've got absolutely no standing to even issue a frickin press release on this isssue.
 
     Here's a riddle for you. Who's buried in Lenin's Tomb? The answer: Who cares? I mean really, the Communists were scary to me somewhere between Red Dawn and Nikolai Volkoff. I mean you've got Sean Connery losing one of your nuclear subs, then what does that say about you as third-rate former Superpower?
 
     Oh wait, Sean Connery, that was just a movie, and sure he was a haircut away from having the exact same accent in "Rising Sun" - but isn't that my point. Its just a damn movie. Its a money maker. I can't think of how many Russians are going to be deprived the opportunity to eat popcorn and sip vodka from a Pepsi container, which is exactly the way that I saw Chris Farley's Black Sheep, but that's a story for another day.
 
     If your education system is worth half a potato, Russian kids can separate fact from fiction. Indeed, I can't imagine any kid, of any culture, actually thinking that these were accurate events of 1957. Maybe John McCain, but not Russian kids. They're smarter than that.
 
     Its a smoke screen. Its mirrors. Its special effects. I'm not saying the movie, I'm saying - the Russian government. They've got more problems than downtown Little Rock, Arkansas, and maybe half the BBQ restaurants. By these Russian nimrods wasting valuable spotlight time for something stupid as this, well that's just sad. I dunno, deal with your own terrorist problems. Deal with your own burgeoning economy. I dunno maybe make your own damn movie. Comrade Smith and One-Legged Mule. I don't care one bit. In fact, the whole free exchange of ideas did more to bring down Communism than Victoria Secret Catelogs and Hershey's Kisses. I'm sure the Victoria's Secret catalogues didn't hurt, but the whole idea of banning a movie just because you disagree with the content just sticks in my craw. The whole thing just comes off as sour grapes. Capitalism didn't kill Communism. Communism killed communism. Because at the end of the day, people don't want their government to tell them what they can and can't do.
 
     Russia has been, and continues to be one of the places that I'd like to visit someday. I've got family ties to Russia. Yeah, my family was tied up by Russians when they were living in Germany. No I kid, I'd love to go to Russia. Its like visiting Syracuse but without the sunshine once a week. Oh stop, don't get me started about Russian food - its great if you like cold beets. Stop, don't get me started - we all know that our supermodels are smarter than their supermodels. Wait, actually, both sets of supermodels are dumber than a bag of rocks. My point is that, I'm kidding. I'd love to visit Russia someday. Of course, if I can't go to a Russian movie theater and order a gallon of popcorn, a supersized Coke, some Jujibees and some junior mints.
 
    Well, then I'm just gonna stay home.  
     
     
   

I know the economy is tough. I also know that jobs are hard to come by, and its even harder for employers to keep good employees once they find them. However, today I saw a sign in lovely, downtown Manville, New Jersey that made me wonder.

It was for an Arby's, and said "Now hiring: happy employees."

This caused me to wonder. How happy do you have to be to work at Arby's? I've been to Arby's, and generally, the people that work at Arby's are not necessarily the happiest people that you've ever met. In fact, some of them are tougher to deal with than Arby's roast beef.

Perhaps they are looking for an image change. Maybe, on the interview form there is some sort of five-star rating for happiness. Perhaps they are going to try to cut into Chuck E Cheeses' turf. Frankly, I do not believe that this is a good idea, as that rat is an absolute mobster.

However, to be honest, when I have my double-cheesy roast beef, dripping with chemical laden cheese, with a side order of death fries, I don't necessarily need Suzy Sunshine dealing me my gallon of just-for-the-sake of it Diet Coke on the side. I need some surly former high-school lineman whose dreams of much, much more lay somewhere between Summer two-a-days and one too many at the after-prom party.

Because if I'm going to eat crap like Arby's that's ultimately is going to take decades off of my life - I certainly don't need it served with a smile.

Thanks so much for the guys at Libsyn.com for helping out - the page looks great.

Go buy some Wizzard stock.

Ok, we're back in the swing of things, with another show back at you very quickly. Tonight, featuring:

1. Made for Chickens by Robots
2. Joe Colledge
3. The Radio Knives
4. Black Ice (Featuring Ice-T and Black Silver)
5. Neal Fox
6. JJ Appelton

Check out UC Radio Podshow and the Podcast Junky

Download the show here

Listen to the show here

   Are you ready for a little mystery? Some magic? Some Wizardry? Well, don't expect any of that crap here. Ever since Groo the Caveman Magician first sold his first ticket in the cave to charge admission to have the other cavemen watch him try to make a Stegosaurus disappear, the real magic has been about the ability of a performer making money disappear from your pocket. Interesting story about Groo the Caveman Magician: yeah, he lost his arm doing the old "let me pull a veloceraptor from my hat" trick - don't worry, he got Workers' Comp. for it, which I think back then entitled him to an extra few berries from the insurance carrier. 

     Yeah, I'm a cynic. Yeah, I question everything. Sure, I wonder how long that rabbit has been crammed in that hat, and secretly laugh to myself every time that nobody ever makes the magician put that hat full of poop on their head once the rabbit is pulled out.

     That's why when one of the world's greatest purveyors of all things magical, J.K. Rowlings was outed this week as the absolute Muggle that she really is, it just warmed the cockles of me heart.

 
     You know J.K., she's the author of all of the Harry Potter books. He's a wizard, you know. Its all about magic. Yeah, I'll admit that I've never actually read any of the Harry Potter books, but I have been dragged to all of the movies. Look, I'm not going to beat up a book that makes kids read - I mean that's a good thing. Hopefully, someday they'll move on to other great science fiction like J.C. Hutchins or Bradbury, or Orson Scott Card's Enders Game. Oh, Enders Game, published years before Harry Potter, its a story about A young kid growing up in an oppressive family situation suddenly learns that he is one of a special class of children with special abilities, who are to be educated in a remote training facility where student life is dominated by an intense game played by teams flying in midair, at which this kid turns out to be exceptionally talented and a natural leader. He trains other kids in unauthorized extra sessions, which enrages his enemies, who attack him with the intention of killing him; but he is protected by his loyal, brilliant friends and gains strength from the love of some of his family members. He is given special guidance by an older man of legendary accomplishments who previously kept the enemy at bay. He goes on to become the crucial figure in a struggle against an unseen enemy who threatens the whole world. Oh, yeah, the kids are really going to love it when they grow up and read that one....Actually, I have to give credit to Uncle Orson who pointed out the similarity on that one, of course. Of course, you could throw the whole Star Wars mythos into that mix or Sabrina the Teenage Witch for that matter too. Ah Melissa Joan Hart in Maxim magazine. It always does come back to that for me, doesn't it.

    What ticks me off about J.K. is the hypocrisy of her. The official story is that she was suffering from clinical depression and was suicidal while she was writing the initial Harry Potter stories. Sad. She was a single unemployed mother living in a fantasy world and hoping to get her book published. Notwithstanding the fact, that she, as opposed to millions of other potential authors got lucky and got hit by a lightening bolt between her eyes and had fate smile upon her and got her book published, I gotta tell you - I think you can take the nut out of the nutty situation, but you still have an absolute wack job.

    Good ol' Jo is still living in a fantasy world, but now she has something worse than Dementors working for her. She's got something worse than Voldermort working for her. She's got an evil pack of lawyers working for her.

    First, she's suing a little publishing house in Michigan for attempting to publish a 400-page Lexicon which catelogs the Potter universe. Its an extension of a fan website that she herself gave an award to. You know, it goes through the characters and the spells and is as interesting to read to most adults as the backstory on Pokemon. Now that the authors want to publish some pseudo-scholarly material about it, she sends out a Freeze spell to try to stop it. In fact, they took some testimony on this. On the stand, her main complaint is that she believes that she would do a better job doing it herself. Oh please, Jo-Jo. You have got to be kidding me. Go ahead and do it yourself. Once you publish fiction, pretty much anyone is able to do anything they want to do with it as long as they attribute it back to you, which these fine folks have tried to do. Jesus, how many 4th grade book reports does she now have to go after. I dunno what the statute of limiations is on those kind of things, but if I were a 4-th grade teacher its time to start ratting out the students to the publishing company every time one of those Potter book reports come in - why not, teachers don't make enough money and neither you nor I want our taxes raised, so come on teachers - get creative.

    This week, she got a Court ruling allowing her to sue journalists in London because they took a picture of her kid with a telephoto lens and published it. The original court tossed that puppy quicker than you can say Shazam, but now an Appeals Court has said that the children of famous parents have the same right to expect privacy as the children of parents who are not well known. The case stems from a picture that was published in a newspaper of David Rowling being pushed on a buggy on a street when he was a baby, and sets the stage for a trial over damages.
 

    Now, I can't claim to be an expert in British law, and I certainly don't want to get into the poor, horrible state of privacy of our great and public celebrities, but I have no idea what these Judges were thinking. In fact, based on same, I don't give any credence to any British Judge who's last name isn't Cowell. I agree that the children of celebrities have a certain right to privacy. I agree that there is an inherent security concern here, but come on. The kid was probably surrounded by a phalanax of security guards, and was on a public street. You, I, and the rest of the muggles out there have absolutely no right to privacy on a public street. That's actually what its called - public, and if Rowlings didn't want to be in the public eye then I don't know, maybe she needs to travel by broom or something. Hell, the Court's ruling doesn't seem to make any sense, because I have no expectation that if I take my kids to a frickin sheep sheering event at our local dairy farm and some Jimmy Olsen wants to take a picture, then frankly I should be entitled to a free copy of the paper and that's it.

    At the end of the day, where is she really going with this - she's a billionaire already. Damages? What in the world is little David Rowling's measure of damages. Uhm, dude, you looked like a baby in the picture. We all have baby pictures. You're mom is a billionaire. What exactly is J.K. Rowling's 5-year old kid going to do with damages? I'm not saying that celebrity kids aren't entitled to go to Court, but the purpose of the Civil justice system in both the US and Englandia is to make an aggreived party whole. As such, I think you have to award damages in this matter, if its found to be compensable which I've said I already disagree with, in the the terms that would make a reasonable 5-year old feel as if he received justice - that's right - the horrible, evil newspaper, should provide him with a DVD of Dora the Explorer and a Juice Box.
    

    Jeez, do you think that the newspapers are really going to learn a lesson about this. Hell, by suing little book manufacturers or little newspapers Rowling's actually giving them more free advertising than she ever intended to do. Frankly, here's my two cents on it. We have, by her own admission, a bit of a nut job who somehow gets lucky in writing these books and all of a sudden her life has meaning and credibility beyond her wildest fantasies. You remember all of the talk about whether Harry Potter would get killed in the last book. I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but uhm, there was no way in the universe that he was gonna die because there would be absolutely no possibility of another book, which is 100% going to happen as soon as J.K. Rowlings realizes that she can't write her way out of a paper bag on any other subject. Oh yeah, Soylent Green is people. Kaizer Souze is Kevin Spacy, Bruce Willis is actually dead, and the Cloverfield monster looks like Dick Cheney's wife. Any other endings you want me to hit. jerseytoddshow@gmail.com

     In the end, J.K. Rowling was once accused of making the Harry Potter books to support witchcraft. I think that's ridiculous, of course. Its always a great thing when kids read. But now that she's shot her literary load, and is floundering around looking for some sort of purpose in life, perhaps its best she send the lawyers back to the hell from wence they came.

    Being accused of witchcraft is one thing, but bitchcraft...that's another story.

 

   

I'm still standing. Taken a few blows to the head, but they can't knock me down. Moving the family is nearly finished, and we are almost done living out of boxes. Now we have begun the process of moving you - the JTS Family.

This weekend, I purchased an Imac. Wow. Wow. Wow. I have had computers since I was a child, the first being a TRS-80 Color Computer that was 16k. I have resisted the Apple temptation until now, and I now realize what a dope I've been. From the purchasing experience, to service tech. calls., to the rocking machine itself - I am an absolute convert. At 36-years old, I finally realized that I don't need a computer that does a billion things - I just need one that works consistently. So far, so good.

That being said, I am still in the process of hooking the podcast rig up, and of course there have been some complications. I am also strongly considering producing the show in Garageband, and am concerned that the show might lose the "live" feel that we've come to know and love. We shall see - but its certainly exciting.

Watch this space for additional updates as they become available, and if you have the time and want to use it charitably, I'm always available on Gmail and Twitter, and have loads of questions to pick your brain with.

A quicky bfore I take the studio apart and move four miles down the road. See ya on the other side.

Featuring Geoff Smith

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Playing hooky? Not me...I'm podcasting. Featuring

1. The Ike Reilly Assasination
2. The Bangkok Five
3. The Animate Objects
4. The Dan Sheehan Conspiracy
5. Mark Rudd
6. Mobile

Featuring Howitzer

Go visit: Digital Flotsam and the Electrical Language Podcast

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       Want a little gossip? Want a little rumor, some innuendo? I'm gonna tell you a little secret. On June 29, 2007, the straightest governor in New Jersey history, Jon Corzine appointed. Anne Milgram as the Attorney General. Oh she is such a babe, shes a good lawyer, and well, for purposes of her tapping my phone lines and otherwise investigating this podcast - she's got a tremendous sense of humor.

    But she is the head of Jersey Todd's favorite former employer, the New Jersey Division of Law and Public Safety and they have found an issue that affects the lives of all New Jerseyians, so much, so much, that even if it means involving precious State resources and legal brain power, even if it means making a New Jersey a national laughing stock, we're gonna go for it. Because its not about flawed voting machines, or tax reform, or education reform, or even, crime. No, the first Attorney General of the State of New Jersey that is actually younger than yours truly has sent her minions to attack the one thing that no lawyer has ever done really all that well dealing with....gossip.

     Did this one hit you at rumour city, did you catch this on the grapevine, did you catch the scuttlebutt? The nation's most smokin' Attorney General Anne Milgram, has sent some subpoenas out to the folks at Juicycampus.com, and some of their advertisers. And let me just say, in my best Colbert impersonation, that extra "E" on the end of Anne's name - that stands for "Excellent". Juicy Campus is a website that allows for visitors to post anonymous comments about people at colleges. You can post who's the biggest campus slut, and who's the dumbest professor, and you can do it all anonymously. I know these kids in college today all have it so easy. When I was at Syracuse in the nineties, we all knew that the campus slut was some girl named "Bullet-head" which was really odd because I never even knew her real name, I just heard some wacked out story about her at some fraternity party which involved some football players and small animals. Of course, I didn't hear the story until like May of my Senior year, and I have no idea why her nickname was "Bullethead", and even in my over-exposed to bad pornography brain, I still don't get the joke. However, you college kids with your fancy technology got us old men beat in the important information department. I dunno, when I was in school, all you had to do was ask someone. Its all a bit juvenille.

     Except when its not so juvenile. My secret crush, Anne, got involved with juicy-campus.com when a Princeton's University student's private information got posted on their website. This is not good. When the kid tried to get it off their site, their was no mechanism for them to do so. Now Juicy-campus tell their advertisers that they ban offensive material, but, uhm not really. It's kind of like putting out a suggestion box without actually having that little slot in the box to actually put the suggestions in. The problem is that many of the postings on juicy-campus are so malicious that students are afraid they will affect their real lives as Google continues to serve up search results to future employers and family members. Many students have complained that Juicy-Campus refuses to remove false statements about them, and the site isn't exactly gaining points among student organizations, school administrations, and lawmakers in general.  

     The AG's office sent out a flurry of subpoena to juicy-campus and their advertisers under the New Jersey Consumer Fraud Act asking questions about the site, asking about how they get their ad revenue and how the jammy-jam is thrown together. The NJ Consumer Fraud Act deals with information in terms of a commercial transaction. If you had a highlighter, I'd ask you to take it and put a big yellow line through your screen and highlight that sentence - its going to be important later.

     Juicy-campus, through their public relations folks, raised holy hell in a press release this week stating that they've broken no laws, and that they are immune from civil liability due to the actions of their users. They've called the investigation "absurd" Yeah yeah, we're impressed tough guys. Maybe Juicy-campus shouldn't retain the public relations firm that is located in the mall somewhere next to Orange Julius and H.R. Block. These guys are doing more harm than good. 
 

"'Juicy-Campus has not violated any laws. Juicy-Campus is immune under federal law for liability arising from statements made by others. The Attorney General of New Jersey , who apparently is not a fan of the Site, know this and are instead taking the position that by asking our users not to post content that is unlawful, abusive or defamatory, among other things, we are somehow required to remove posts that may fall into those categories. They contend that by failing to do so, we have defrauded our users.' (emphasis added)'"

     They are like, so, not getting it. This is absolutely 100% not a First Amendment issue. Apparently, Juicy-campus was so hopped up on diet coke and chocolate bars just waiting for someone to go after them on a First Amendment issue - like whether they can be held liable in a civil court if someone actually got hurt as a result of something posted on their site, not that they actually should care about that, that like Jo-bu from "Major League" they couldn't hit the curve ball that was thrown at them.

     This is a really developing and interesting area of the law and frankly juicy-campus shouldn't be so smug. Under Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, "No provider or user of an interactive computer service shall be treated as the publisher or speaker of any information provided by another information content provider." Ok, that's fine, and a case that came out of Texas, in 2007, called Doe v. My-space actually held My-space immune from liability for failing to institute safety measures to prevent sexual assaults of minors and failure to institute policies relating to age verification. It didn't mean that My-space didn't get off their ass and make some major changes to their site in terms of age verification and monitoring their comments, and maybe that was done for the legal end, but it was also done to satisfy those funky market forces, like their advertisers that don't want to besmirch their otherwise pristine reputations.  In fact, companies like Google and Adbrite have refused to take Juicycampus' money.

    Doe v. My-space is only a decision from a District Court in Texas, and I wouldn't doubt for one second that the victim in that case, a 14-year old girl who was sexually assaulted after meeting someone on my-space isn't moving that case forward through the Court system, and I'm sure that some grandstanding legislator won't be using this story at some point to revise the rules of the CDA. Stay tuned kids, the law is going to change on this one right before our eyes, and its going to affect everyone on the net, and in the spirit of the March Madness season let me do my best Dick Vitale and make a prediction. The Supreme Court baybee, they're gonna be cleaning the Boards on this one. John Roberts, he's a diaper dandy. They're gonna take the CDA downtown. That Ruth Bader Ginsburg, RBG, is gonna throw the alley oop, and the Supreme Court is someday going to say that places like myspace or facebook or juicy campus is going to have to at the very least monitor their own sites for bad behavior.

     In the end, let me whisper something in the ear of those kids at Juicy-campus. This is not a First Amendment issue. As of today, the CDA says that Anne M. can't go after them over content. Even though these Juicy-campus.com permits and, in my humble opinion, encourages its users to post some awfully racist and sexist stuff and provides them absolute anonymity to do so. No, the AG can't send a few flying monkeys from her lair to check into that. So, she's investigating the relationships between Juicy-campus and their advertisers, and whether JC accurately told their advertisers how the site worked when they gave in some money to advertise on the site. Already, one advertiser has pulled their ads from the site, and if there is any other material misrepresentation going on here where money is exchanged Juicy-campus may have a lot of explaining to do, and perhaps Juicy-campus should lose its flippant attitude. Trust me, its Ms. Milgram if your nasty, and this is nasty. This is the Web 2.0 equivalent of going after Al Capone over tax evasion rather than his substantive crimes, and as we say in Joisey - you mess with the bull, you get the horns.  

oh....and how 'bout this:

 

Never one to brag, but take a look at Time Magazine's Joe Klein's article regarding Al Gore versus my essay in Show 111.

Frankly, with all due respect to Mr. Klein, did you make a "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" reference?

I think not.

Coming off of a cold, its some of the best music that I've played on the show yet. Featuring:

1. Justin Hopkins and the Guilt
2. Ray Tarantino
3. Kongos
4. Glen Philips
5. Jerzy Jung

Featuring Colie Brice

Go over to Accuquote and save on your life insurance.

Listen to the show or download it here

 

       Back when I was in law school, I played in a Law School Street hockey league. 5 on 5, on a tennis Court, knocking an orange ball around while miserably trying to stay upright on inline skates. I gotta admit, like many of my athletic adventures, I was miserable. Don't get me wrong, I had great eye hand coordination, played great defense, and actually scored a ton of goals. The problem was that I didn't have great eye, hand, feet coordination, and most of my stopping came courtesy of the tennis court fence. But hey, in a league filled with future lawyers, this was a skill level a tad beyond embarassing. By the way, and I know someone is going to ask, yes, having any kind of sports league with future tort lawyers is a pain in the ass. Some hockey leagues hold a draft - we had a three hour conference call going over the rules, and drafting the league's charter. Even geeks have to have their fun.

      I even have a pretty scar over my eye from the time that one of the other players tried to help me stop rolling by treating my face like a shish kabob with his stick. I'm sure he didn't mean to wack me - hell - he was trying to stay on his feet, too. But I ended up with a nice 8-stitch gash over my eye, and I think he's senior counsel at an insurance defense firm now. Funny how things turn out.

      So that being said, I am always fascinated when the law, the internet, and the wide, wide world of sports collide like a cross check from Jeff Beukeboom. This past week, the Rangers, who have one the Stanley Cup only 4 times out of 83 years (which comes out to a success rate of 4.18 for you math geeks out there), once again got the ol' slap shot through the five hole. Uhm I'm sorry, pushed too hard on the hyperbole button.  

     But,  back in the fall, MSG, the company that owns the Rangers filed a lawsuit in Federal Court because the National Hockey League promised to fine it a grand a day if it didn't give the league complete control of its website. Apparently, the league wanted to convert it into one of those cookie cutter websites that makes every team in the league look exactly the same. You've seen it pretty much accross the board from major league baseball to the NBA to the NFL. All of these websites look like they were pooped out by the exact same programmer.

     The Rangers attorneys, wearing their home whites, claim that the NHL was seeking to control the competitive activities of independent businesses in ways that are not necessary to the functioning of that legitimate joint venture. In fact, they claimn that the NHL has become an "illegal cartel,�? Yeah, comparing your league to Columbian drug lords is probably not going to go over well at the next Christmas party, but considering that the Rangers hired the law firm of Hansen and Hansen, better known as the Hansen brothers, you should expect that their first move would speak of legal goonistry.

     Jeez, I love the image of the Rangers' lawyers. From the University of Saskatoon School of Law, leading the league in depositions, he's your lead counsel, Number 66! Hell, most lawyers track their time in billable hours, the Rangers' lawyers bills say .5 periods for trial preparation. Hell, do you think anybody wants to go to a binding arbitration with a lawyer from the Rangers? You'd end up with your dress shirt pulled up over your head while some dude tries to grab your tie and box your ears in. Geez, I wonder if we can get Tie Domi to take some night classes.

     The lawsuit went onto say, that the poor downtrodden Rangers use the web site for a competitive advantage against other teams to generate and maintain fan interest. However, in November, the District Court ruled against their attempt to get a preliminary injunction, and this week the Second Circuit Court of Appeals again denied their attempt to stop the NHL from taking over their website, or fining them $100,000 a day, which in fact, is the cost of a skybox at Madison Square Garden.

     The Court said that MSG and the Rangers “did not show that the NHL’s website ban has had an actual adverse effect on competition in the relevant market. Nor did MSG demonstrate that the many procompetitive benefits of the NHL’s restrictions could be achieved through an alternative means that is less restrictive of competition.�?

     Like I do, time and time again, let me turn the circular legalese back into English, however, in this particular case, let me turn what the Court said into language that an average Ranger fan could understand. "Yo, you fn moron, getouttahere with that lame bs. Fuggetaboutit."

     In all seriousness, I see the Rangers point. They are a business, and they are in a competitive market with two other hockey teams, two baseball teams, two football teams, a Basketball team, and a team with about as much talent than your average 8th grade basketball team, the New York Knicks. Actually, I think the way that the Knicks have played this year, an average 8th grade basketball team could possibly beat them if you hyped them up with the promise of pizza and ice cream after the game, but I digress.

     The Rangers have to be concerned that their fans are being pulled in so many directions for their entertainment dollar. But come on, they're being a bunch of silly nillies. I know you don't like when I use that language. But do you think for one second that a fan of the Devils or the Islanders is going to say, hmph, I've been a fan of my team for twenty-years but I'm going to switch allegiences because the Blueshirts have a flash player on their site. Come on. 2-minutes in the penalty box for stupidity.

     The product in this case is the sport of hockey - not the individual team. The NHL has the ability, as an agreed upon joint venture of all the teams, to do things on behalf of the whole league - like negotiate TV deals, or to decide what the uniforms are going to look like. When one individual team argues that they should have the ability to go their own way, then the whole thing might as well go back to a Canadian barnstorming league. The Rangers are acting like spoiled little kids who just want to take their sticks and go home when they don't get what they want, and frankly, what they want isn't going to amount to a hill of beans in the long run.

     Its hockey; which over the course of my lifetime has lost more juice than the Buffalo Bills Hall of Fame. Ok, that was a convuluted sports reference that only about two of you are going to find remotely amusing. Let me clarify. Its hockey; which over the course of my lifetime has pretty much held the same orbit as Michael Jackson's singing career. I'm sorry, when I was a kid, professional hockey held a certain grip over me for the few months inbetween football and baseball season. But now, when an individual ticket costs about as much as a Broadway play, when there are more teams south of the mason-dixon line than there are above the snow line, I'm sorry, the Rangers competition isn't from the Devils or the Yankees or the Knicks, their competition has degraded to UFC, Professional Lacrosse, and Tractor Pulls.

     I don't even like the Rangers. I've always been partial to a certain team from Broad Street in Philadelphia, but over the past two years they've slipped from my consciousness like the name of Appollo Creed's trainer that ended up training Rocky Balboa in Rocky IV. Jeez, what was his name....the bald guy...Duke....played by the great Tony Burton...thought you'd stump me there, didn't ya? The only guy other than Sly and Burt Young to be in all 6 Rocky movies. There's your trivia of the day, no need to thank me.

     Hockey has always been the fourth most watched sport in the US, but standing at that spot has more zombies clawing at hockey's ankles than a George Romero Night of the Living Dead film. And rather than biting the waffle glove that feeds it, the Rangers should be spending more time actually putting a team on the ice that wins games and gets me excited. Here's a quote to anyone trying to get their feet wet in new media, whether you're a podcasting company or a hockey team, "Here we are now, entertain us." Hey that would make a great song lyric. But my point is, I don't care whether your website has more bells and whistles than Dr. Emmett Brown's train in Back to the Future III, if your product sucks, I'm taking my eyeballs and earbuds elsewhere.

    In fact, if I were the Judge in this matter, I would just have reviewed the Rangers' lawyers' filings and told them, to "shut the puck up."     

  ....yup, and with an ending like that, I can only assume that you'll be taking your eyeballs and earbuds elsewhere, too.

Every once in awhile a news item comes along and doesn't have the reach of a proper Jersey Toddshow essay, but nonetheless deserves comment. Check out this story from the wonderful folks at Blue Jersey.

"Dozens of Easter Bunny surrogates were rescued just in time:

Dozens of rabbits were removed from a house in Atlantic County after they were found living in conditions officials called deplorable.

The rabbits were being bred and sold by an elderly Egg Harbor Township man who apparently became overwhelmed with the responsibilities of caring for so many animals, officials said.

The Atlantic County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals removed 57 rabbits from the home today, but the man did not receive any summonses."

 

What are conditions deplorable to a rabbit? Day-old carrots? Soggy wood chips? Despite their incredible cuddly facade, these are animals that live in dark underground holes filled who-knows-what.  I know Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny is a friend of mine. Let me be 100% honest, I've never seen Bugs Bunny with a vaccum cleaner. Frankly, I very rarely see Bugs Bunny wear pants, and that's a different problem altogether.

How did this get reported to officials? Is there a hotline for this kind of thing, or did Thumper just stamp out a message with his big foot? Frankly, I think the rabbits could have just gotten out of there by telling the man that it's not rabbit season, but duck season.

How did this gentleman lose control over his inventory? He bought two rabbits yesterday, and overnight there were fifty-seven. It didn't help that he was accidentally mixing his Viagra into the rabbit food.

Finally, shame on the newspaper for not following up on the story, and not interviewing the poor defenseless rabbits. When reached for comment, Fluffy could only tearfully state, "Hey man, I was just happy to get out of there with my left foot."

I played Yael on the last JTS and I can't get the song out of my head. The video is one of the most creative that I've seen in years, and really adds a new dimension to the song.

Here we go again kiddies. Some old favorites and some new hotness. Featuring:

1. Ike Reilly and the Assassination
2. Jackopierce
3. Guitar Jack
4. Sudden Death
5. Beth Hirsch

Featuring: the Spark Effect and Jack Wakes Up,  and the UC Radio Podshow.

Go to Accuquote.com

Listen to the show, or download it here

       We here at the Jersey Toddshow love to take requests. Today, on Twitter I received the following instant message from the absolutely wonderful Shakespearecast.com. If you haven't checked them out yet, I highly recommend that you do. However, the message shocked, shocked me. 

       I'll read it to you, "If you do a rant for the show on Spitzer and don't include the term "Swallowzer" I'll be very disappointed."

      Far be it for me to disappoint even one of the thousands and thousands of listeners of the JTS. But I am concerned, the saga of former Governor Eliot Spitzer has been picked over more times than the garbage outside of Britney's casa. No, Jay, Conan, and Dave, and whatever his name is on ABC have done a fine job of throwing dirt on America's favorite john. No, I come here tonight not to bury Eliot Spitzer, I come here tonight to take another swing at my favorite lost uncle, Alan Dershowitz.

     Like Eminem in 8-Mile, I will concede that Alan Dershowitz is a far superior lawyer than I am. I will concede that he is far smarter than I am. I will grant that as a Harvard Law Professor, that 99.9% of his students have been more academic than I is, I mean am. I wouldn't even gtaduate from the Harvard Law bus tour. Trust me kids, though I seem pretty bright here, trust me, Alan Dershowitz would treat me like Ali treated that heavy bag in the D-Con Roach Proof, though I doubt that he would say "I don' want you livin' wit' no roaches!"   

     But Professor Dershowitz, I do have one thing that you don't have - its not good looks, nor a keen sense of style, though I certainly have you beat on those accounts, I have a big, hard microphone, and well, for at least the time being I have the attention of one or two people.

     My problem right now is an article that Professor Dershowitz wrote in the Wall Street Journal entitled, the "Entrapment of Elliot". If you didn't know, Elliot Spitzer was a student at Harvard Law and actually worked with Professor Dershowitz and was a student in his class, so I don't doubt his affection for his former student or his motives in trying to defend him. No what I have a problem with is his hypocrisy. In the article, Professor Dershowitz argues that

 “The federal criminal investigation that has led to Eliot Spitzer’s resignation as governor of New York illustrates the great dangers all Americans face from vague and open-ended sex and money-transaction statutes; Congress enacted these laws to give federal prosecutors wide discretion in deciding which ‘bad guys’ to go after.�?

    Generally, says Dershowitz, “wise and intelligent prosecutors�? use proper discretion in pursuing the real bad guys, such as mobsters, terrorists and exploiters of children. But, he claims, “selectively enforced statutes . . . lie around like loaded guns waiting to be used against the enemies of politically motivated investigators, prosecutors and politicians.�?

    Dershowitz’s proposal is that over-broad criminal statutes should be narrowed so that they can be used only to prosecute predatory crimes with real victims, not to facilitate politically-motivated prosecutions like Spitzer’s. In Dershowitz’s words: “Money laundering, structuring and related financial crimes are designed to ferret out organized crime, drug dealing, terrorism and large-scale financial manipulation. They were not enacted to give the federal government the power to inquire into the sexual or financial activities of men who move money in order to hide payments to prostitutes.�?

     Woah, woah, woah, wait a cotton-pickin' second here, Professor. Let's not mince words. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Eliot Spitzer made his career, following your teaching and guidance frankly, by the selective prosecution of criminals, and that prosecution led to a political career. Most prosecutions are political. Most prosecutors are indeed political appointments, and most decisions of who to prosecute and why start off as a political decision.

     At the end of the day, the bad-guys didn't get to yell "no fair" and ask for a do-over. Do you think the Gambino crime family had a problem when, in 1992, Spitzer while working for DA Robert Morgenthau set up his own sweat-shop and hired 30-laborers just so he could plant a bug to get evidence about crimes in the garment industry? Was that not a political prosecution? Do you thing that Dick Grasso, former chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, had a beef when he was prosecuted for the crime of Excessive Compensation as head of a non-profit Board? Did Dick Grasso support Spitzer poltically, no? Did you know that a Newsweek reporter was physically threatened by one of Spitzer's staff when reported on the investigation? Doesn't look good for the guvnor run.  Did you know Spitzer told the State Police to file reports on political rival Joe Bruno's whereabouts in orer to dig something up on him? If that ain't a political use of the law, then I don't know what is.

    Now I will concede to Professor Dershowitz that since the advent of 9/11, Federal criminal statutes have become more and more vague. I don't necessarily think this is a horrible thing if I've done nothing wrong. But here we have an elected official of one of the biggest States in the country conspiring with criminals. Its not about the sex, though that sells papers.

    I mean even here in the great Garden State, our sex crazed wacky Governor - McSteamy, I mean McHottie, I mean, McGreevey. It was never about the sex. It had nothing to do whether he was gay or straight. It had everything to do with appointing people into positions just because they were willing to uhm assume the position, even though they had no qualifications to do so, and that put the health and safety of New Jerseians at risk. The sex....nah, that was just something to sell papers.

    In fact Spitzer and McGreevey are quite the pair. In fact, I think it would make a great tv show.

On November thirteenth Felix McGreevey was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife. Deep down he knew she was right. But he also knew that someday he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his childhood friend, Oscar Spitzer. Sometime earlier, Spitzer's wife had thrown him out, requesting that he never return. Can two former Governors share an apartment without driving each other crazy? 

    Its about a guy, with an obvious problem either personally or in his marriage, that led him to deal with a major criminal operation. Sure, utilizing the services of a professional sex worker is only a 4th degree offense in the State of New York, and Elliot Spitzer really didn't commit a major crime. Hey, he hasn't even been charged with anything. But lets look at the degree here, this isn't Spitzer buying a dime bag from some dude at the Knickerbocker Arena in Albany - he spent a couple of grand on this. This is like a high-end coke habit. And what would have happened if he refused to pay his bill? You think the pimps at the escort service would have just let him fly because he's got a "I control the jails" so it should be free card? Of course not. More importantly, what would have happened if some of those nefarious elements started acting like the lobbyists, who of course are other forms of whores, and started pushing Spitzer to promote some of their causes or they'd spill his secrets.

     No, Spitzer was compromised, and the Federal prosecutors in this matter did nothing but hasten the inevitable. Did Dershowitz even read the legal documents? I did. Spitzer was only Client-9. For the life of me, I'm dying to know who Client-8 and Client-10 were, or how high up this list goes. Now, I'd love to make the joke the people of the State of New York should at least be proud that Spitzer was in the top ten. I mean I saw that video on the net of Gene Simmons and his prostitute, and I gotta think that Spitzer has to be somewhat more coordinated than that fossil. So Number-9 isn't so bad, right? I mean you're in the top ten. Sure better than the Knicks. As an aside here, between Gene Simmons and Eliot Spitzer, whaaat's the deal with these nearing the end of middle age Jewish guys being complete sex freaks lately. Jesus, is that what I have to look forward to? Just shoot me now.

      In the article, Professor Dershowitz closes with the story of Lavrenti Beria, the head of Joseph Stalin's KGB, who once quipped to his boss, "show me the man and I will find the crime." The Soviet Union was notorious for having accordion-like criminal laws that could be adjusted to fit almost any dissident target. The U.S. is a far cry from the Soviet Union, and claims that our laws are dangerously overbroad.

     Well, we here at the Jersey Toddshow never heard of Beria prior to your article, and will only respond with a quote from another New York City resident, noted goldfish keeper, Mr. Arnold Drummond, and I paraphrase, "Whatchu talking about, Dershowitz?" Spitzer didn't resign because he committed a crime. He resigned because he was a fraud, and even a truckload of Viagra wouldn't have gotten his political schwantz back up, and to compare the incidental discovery of Spitzer to Mother Russia in the good old days is a hasty generalization, and alarmist.

     Ask Joe Bruno, Dick Grasso, and Joe Bruno, or a thousand guys in jail, Professor Dershowitz, but nobody who ever gets caught by the police doing something that they know is not right think the law is fair.

     And to my friends at the Shakespeare cast, I say this:

There once was a Governor of New York/who liked to find hookers to pork.

He thought he'd never get caught/Or have to atone for any of the ahem he uhm bought.

A prosecutor with dubious tactics, hell how many times did he tie the noose? / But Dershowitz screams and says whats good for the gander isn't good for the goose?

Sorry, Professor, but Spitzer's a bad dog, a real Schnauzer / and cheap, he was once overheard saying for five bucks, I don't care if she spits or swallowser

   Wow, Spitzer or Swallows-her. I'm sorry Shakespeare-cast, but that was really, really rough. I haven't been challenged like that since 5th grade when we were making fun of Martha Lipschitz. How did that go again? If her lipschitz, my butt talks....

 

    

         

Yesterday's Daily Source Code spoke a bit about the differences between succesful audio and video podcasting. The Jersey Toddshow has never been about advertisers (though we certainly appreciate them), episodes going viral or amassing numbers for the sake of numbers alone.

This podcast is about the independent artists and their music... and it always will be.

 

This is embarassing. If I were Hillary, I'd do anything possible to get this video off the 'net.

If you were on the fence at all, this video seals it. Its McCain v. Obama now, because, do you really want to vote the same way as these losers?

Say it ain't so, Taylor Hicks wannabe.

Tonight, we celebrate the brand new release of "Fan the Fury" from one of the greatest Podsafe bands of all time - Aloud.

Their album releases on March 25, 2008, and I strongly encourage you to check them out.

Listen to the show or download it by clicking here

I'm wired tonight. Featuring

1. All Crazy
2. Geoff Smth
3. Temple of Soul
4. Scott Andrew
5. Yael Naim

Featuring DJOC

Go to Accuquote.com to save on life insurance

Play or listen to the show here

      I am a fan of rumors and innuendo, and I heard a big one the other day in Court, that way back on that cold day back in 1993, when William Jefferson Clinton took the oath of office, there was a delay in the start. And sure, there about a million things that have to happen prior to swearing in a President, but the rumor that I heard takes your breath away - that Vice-President Elect Al Gore, Jr., and First Lady Elect Hillary Rodham Clinton were arguing about which office to take, and ultimately it took the pre-blue dress Bill Clinton to negotiate a truce between them. Now, I don't know if this is true, and you certainly shouldn't believe everything that you read or hear on the old internets, but I think there may be an element of truth to this one.

      Lets face it, Al was always the second man in Bill's life. Sure, as a Senator from Tennessee with a great political pedigree, he brought the Southern delegates to the Clinton/Gore ticket, but once that was decided they basically made him disappear like he was Chevy Chase in "Memoirs of an Invisible Man." He was so marginalized as Vice President that he could have been the spokesperson for Parkay. It was pretty obvious that for eight-years, the cooking staff had more decision making ability than he did. I truly believe that Al is a funny, engaging guy - a bit weird and nerdy, but you want to know why he came off so cold and distant when running for President - its because Hilary froze his balls off for 8-years. By the way, what other podcast is going to make a "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" reference? Come on, next you'll be expecting me to refer to "The Man with out a Face" and damn it, I remind you that the Mel Gibson Reference Ban is still in force and effect on this podcast, so you can take your Martin Riggs and shove it.

      But I digress.

      The point I'm making is that I don't believe that the Ice King has any affection for the World's Coldest Female Poltician. Jeez, between the two of them they'd neutalize El Nino, for sure. But that being said, I'd rather park my Honda at the corner of Nerdy Road and Inarticulate Avenue, than at the cross streets of Monster Hwy. and Bitch Street.

     The difference is, I believe Al Gore. I believe that he has a deep seated love for the environment. Frankly, I believe that big business and/or industry is hurting the environment. I respect his opinions, although I'd rather read the highlights, than go through a two hour discussion of a social security "lock box", over and over again. Had he run for office, after winning a Nobel Peace Prize, I believe he would have won, and frankly, I think he would have been the most qualified person for the Oval Office. Hell, he was Aaron Rodgers to Bill Clinton's Brett Farve, and those 8-years of carrying Bill's clipboard would have made him a great President. Its not like he ever lost an election for the Presidency.

      So that being said, its time Al. Its time to unfreeze thy self. You told me that you wanted to lead my party. You told me that you wanted to lead my country. The time, Al. Its time that you stepped into that role of the unbiased dean of the Democratic Party, the once and perhaps future king, the voice of reason in a sea of calamity. Its time Al for you to choose a candidate, and give your blessing.

     I'm not telling you who to endorse, but lets look at the facts. There is now approximately 7-weeks until the next primary. Neither Obama or Hilary have proven to be able to land a knock-out punch. Its funny, I think in a lot of ways, we have a classic Muhammed Ali versus George Foreman. The boxer versus the power puncher. Of course, George Foreman looks a lot prettier in a dress than Hillary, but that's besides the point. Obama is pretty, so pretty, and he's quick - he's so fast that he turns off the light he's in bed before the room goes dark. Float like a butterfly, sting like O-B. Hilary just kind of grunts and throws her arms all over the place, but when she lands her right hook its lethal. I would like to see Hilary shave her head and sell grills in twenty-years, because I'm just wacked like that, but again, I digress.

      Hilary and Barack, lets be real honest, are not entirely too different in political philosophy. This isn't like the Democrats are choosing between two polar opposites, in fact, they really do compliment eachother more times than not.

      But it is seven-weeks until the next primary. John McCain has a time share in Aruba for the next month. John McCain, dare I say it, is going to arrive at the Republican convention, actually looking youthful. John Mcain just has to sit on the sidelines and wait for Obama and Hilary to tire eachother out. Think about it: Isn't this just the political equivalent of the "Rope-a-Dope"? But in this case, McCain is the beneficiary?

     No, Al, its time. You want to do it for selfish reasons, sure. First, you'd be an absolute king or queen maker. Think about it - by endorsing Hilary at this point in the game, you'd be doing something for your former boss' wife, that he himself could not accomplish on his own. You want to talk about debt? You want to talk about gratitude? My lord Al, Bill would set you up with girls until your a zillion years old, and the good ones this time, not like the old days when you had to get Bill's sloppy seconds. Jeez, could you imagine the sloppy second to Monica Lewinsky? Yeesh...

     But somehow Al, I don't think in your heart of hearts, you'd endorse Hillary. Too much water under the bridge, too many stolen spotlights, and hard stares at eachother. Too much clawing away at page space in a shared history. No, if I were a gambling man, which I am, I'd bet a dollar that Gore would support Barack Obama. You both opposed the Iraq war. Barry has been talking about climate change. In fact, Al, between you me and the listeners, I wouldn't be horrified at a Obama Gore ticket - you sure could fill that Leo McGarrity role, and give the ticket some much needed gravitas in a general election. Now I know the chances of you running for president right now are as likely as Britney Spears being asked to take the MENSA test, but we all can dream.

      Oh, and I don't think a Gore endorsement of Obama really hurts him if Hilary pulls off some sort of miracle on ice and somehow wins the nomination, because I want to be very clear, I truly believe that there is no place for Al Gore within Hilary Clinton's administration.

      So, in the end Al, think of the environment - how many trees have to be cut down to make a Obama or Hilary sign? What is the carbon presence of these two campaigns and their staff running around campaigning for no good purpose.   

     Al Gore, its time for you to save the environment, its time for you to save the party, its time for you really to come forward and save the nation.

      ....and do it quick, because I'm terrified that McCain is going to have so much free time over the next couple of months that he's going to show up on Dancing with the Stars.

 

The sad thing about this story is that its just politics as usual. Frankly, I would have preferred President Obama supporting a valued member of his staff, who made an error in judgement and apologized.

The sadder thing is, Hilary is indeed a Monster. Not like there's anything wrong with that.

And Samatha Power is no prize either....

Talking about one of my favorite subjects: Coffee. Featuring the music of:

1. The Teenage Prayers
2. Munk
3. Chris Trapper of the Push Stars
4. Maren Morris Band
5. Ball in the House
6. Justin Marcus

Featuring: Lemon

Sponsored by Accuquote or call - 1-800-410-7215

Listen to the show (or download it) by clicking here

         I like coffee. No let me restate that: I Love Coffee. If I were writing an SAT question, it would be Popeye is to spinach as Jersey Todd is to coffee. I might not know as much about computers or podcasting or other stuff that you're going to hear on other shows, but damn it, I know my coffee. Right now, I'm running a 10-cup Capuano maker with some Trader Joe's Dark Volcano with some soy chocolate and splenda. Yeah baby, take your tricked out PC or Mac and shove it, because at the end of the day, if you want to get my motor running, give me an IV of the the black stuff and let me just main line the beans.

 

     Sure, I use splenda. Hey, do you know how many lab rats they had to kill to get that stuff right? C'mon, its better living through chemistry, and frankly, I don't exactly clean my coffee mug as well as I should so I need some bleach based artificial sweetener to keep me, and my mug, clean - both inside and out.

     I drink a lot of coffee. The good stuff. Not instant. Not chemical created monstrosities. No, thank you. I want real coffee. Something that takes a couple of minutes to brew; something that tastes like its been scraped off of a log in Guatemala and carried by the ass of donkey up a rainy hill right to a waiting plane to be crushed into a small fine powder and brewed with water straight from a Hobbit Shire. 'Cause damnit, if I gotta change the diapers of my clients, and make sure the babies cases move along - then damn it - I want the high end stuff. I drink enough coffee to make Michael J. Fox on a tilt-a-whirl look stable. I drink coffee like I was one of Andrea Yates' kids in the backseat of that car. 

     But no, I do not like the Senseo. I will not drink it in a hurry, and I will not drink it with a boss named Curry. I do not like Senseo, my man. I will not drink it, Jersey Todd, I am.

     Look. Let's be blunt. Screw all of the awe and wonder about the Senseo machine or whatever pod coffee you're using. Its a tea bag filled with coffee. There's not a ton of ingenuity here, and when push comes to shove, its god awful, stale tasting, low end flavorless coffee strained through the bad end of a female hygene device.

     Oh, and do not, do not get me started on that paint thinner known as coffee mate. You know what coffee mate is? Its crap you pour in to coffee to make your coffee taste....nothing at all like coffee. I'm sorry, coffee should taste like coffee. Its got its own flavor. Go over to the coffee mate.com web site. They've got crap to put in your coffee that makes it taste like blueberry cobbler or vanilla hazelnut. Blueberry cobbler coffee? What the hell is that? So you don't even have to stress out eating something so bad for you as a piece of pie with your coffee. Please. Look, maybe this makes some sort of sense to a suburban soccer mom who's trying to count Weight Watcher's points. But uhm, lady, let me splain somethin to you - if you really give a damn about your health, and not just trying to lose some weight prior to your 40th high school reunion, so Billy Ray Jock-itch can finally pick you, yes you, out of the crowd, then maybe just maybe, you shouldn't be drinking blueberry cobbler coffee mate that has as much chemicals as the Hess Oil plant in Woodbridge, New Jersey. Have you seen the side of a coffee mate bottle? My gd, the date of expiration on these things is Armageddon. They've got words in the ingredients that have more x's and q's than a Scrabble game sold at a Punjabi dollar store on sale. Jeez, coffee mate. Jeez, mate with my coffee? That's like having a dirty, rotten, skank with cheap perfume mate with my beautiful brew. Thanks, but no thanks.

     I mean who really needs the noise of coffee mate in their coffee distracting you from the goodness of the bean.  I mean its noise. Hazelnut. French Vanilla. Irish Coffee. I like my coffee like I like my women, hot, sweet, creamy, and quiet. Wow. That's gonna get me in trouble. Sorry, honey - too much coffee.

     So all this being said. Starbucks was in the paper this week. You do know that their stock is down over 50%, which I guess means that Merrill Lynch and those kind of folks now rate it as a Venti, at best. I have mixed feelings about Starbucks. I think they're a good place to sit down in the mall and watch the eighth grader with their wheelie sneakers take a full on header into the Sunglass Hut. I think that their coffee is adequate at best. Frankly, most of their beans taste like Juan Valdez was taking a siesta through the roasting process. My lord, those beans are so burnt they look like Robert Uhrlich in Turk-182. But don't get me wrong, because you can't go three blocks in Jersey without being hit over the head with that green logo, I've learned to accept Starbucks for what it is - overpriced and adequate, and I completely understand that some of their double frosted machiato's have more calories than a calzone, but it is what it is.

     That's why I was completely interested that they closed almost all of the stores for a three-hour coffee clutch this week to rally the troops in the face of a decaffeinated corporate books. Hell, their books and ledgers are starting to look like Heath Ledger. Too soon? Really? You think so?

    Anyway, these Starbucks guys ain't exactly the Masons, because according to the 'net, during this super-secret corporate-wide pow wow, they did the following: they watched videos, they role played customer service issues, they learned how to make coffee, and made all of the little pledges drink 10 shots of espresso while singing the fight song. Oh, sure I make light, but did you hear what I said - they actually pressed the ctrl-alt-delete button for their entire corporation to learn how to make coffee. What, next you're going to tell me that the kids working the fry-o-lator over at my local McD's thought that they were at working a radiology machine? Oh come on. I'm sorry, learning how to make a cup of joe should have been on day one of barista school, and if you can't hack that then its off to the rice krispy treat making class for you.

    Let me tell you something Starbucks. Let me give you some suggestions on how to get the stock price back up. First off, you've got way too many stores. You're thinning out the qualified barrista talent pool. Not everyone out there has got the gd given talent to press a button to make espresso. No, its something that uou just know. Let me compare Starbucks to another chain that ballooned too quickly - Hooters. Sure. Great concept. Unique. Marketable. Special when you went there. And then I went to a bachelor party at a Hooters in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. You know what the, uhm, talent looks like in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania? They look like girls that aren't able to get the frak out of Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. That's where you are Starbucks. Spread too thin. When you allow a Starbucks to be built inside a rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike, you're going to end up with coffee that tastes like Turnpike coffee.

     The new ads for Starbucks now say that I can have my cup of coffee, "perfect every time." The scary thing about that is, that what this says to me is that last week, I couldn't. I mean for $4.00, my mocha-java with goats milk better be grade A, or else I'm sending it back.

     And finally, Starbucks, lets be honest. You're not a music store. You're not a movie store. Its great that your trying to pull another buck out of my pocket, but when that CD or DVD takes focus away from the actual product that you are in business to provide, coffee, then I have absolutely no use for you.

      So, in the end, close some stores, get rid of the hicks and sticks and baristas, and stop selling the tchokes. Oh, get a new logo, because for the life of me I have no idea what the deal is with that mermaid with a crown on.

      It makes me think that your coffee tastes like fish.

Feel free to say hello if you see that I'm online....

Two shows in one week? Who do I think I frigging am, Adam Curry? Featuring:

Intro Music: Josh Woodward

1. Ember
2. Goodwin
3. David Ippolito
4. Chris Trapper of the Push Stars
5. Funky Kidz
6. David Martin

Go buy Number One with a Bullet

Listen to the show here

"Who can take someone's trademark, spin it for me and you? Cover it with choc'late, and a miracle or two. The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man Can. The Candy Man cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good..."

Wait wait wait, before you hit that button on your ipod, before you run screaming from your computer, I apologize. I know, I've gotten countless emails from you in the past, but I just had the need, the need to sing. It comes to me every once in awhile when I get happy. In fact, I'm a singing fool half the time, and well, I just had to bust a tune out for you.

The reason why I'm so happy is this story out of New York City, which was in the paper today. In Times Square, which I consider to be the exact epicenter of the entire world is a guy named David Burck. Don't go looking for him now. It's too cold out, but when the time is right David performs, as, what he believes to be one of New York's top tourist attractions - the Naked Cowboy. That's right, the dude lets it all hang out in his underwear and a cowboy hat and sings. He kind of positions his guitar over his instrument if you know what I mean. Look, I don't go in for that kind of entertainment - when I'm in Times Square I'd rather go get a hot dog over at Nathan's or maybe just get some hot nuts from a street vendor. Oh wait that came out wrong. Some people have a great time with him. He's kind of a David Ippolito type if David lost the pants and wore a cowboy hat. I hate to drag David into this - go check out his web site at thatguitarman.com and listen to his podcast, because he's wonderful. But in thinking about it, there certainly are a lot of guys in the city without shirts and guitars. My friend Ahmed who sells sun tan lotion for 1-dollar, 1-dollar certainly must be making a killing.

But Burck has got his tighty-whitey's in a bunch because those fiends at M&M Mars recently put an electronic billboard up with a M&M wearing underwear and playing guitar, and it looks really a lot like the Naked Cowboy, and at first, then Burck was really honored, and then someone must have whispered in his ear that the M&M was potentially impinging upon his trademark and he filed a lawsuit in Federal District Court seeking $6 million dollars, which of course, is a boat load of skittles. Yeah, the ultimate case of deep pocket versus no pocket.

Now I am not a copyright lawyer, but you know, it is interesting that we keep coming back to stories of how celebrities rights are violated. Ah, poor celebrities. I don't know who is advising the Naked Cowboy, but if he procedes with a trademark claim against Mars, he might lose his shirt. Oh wait, he already did.

More importantly, I have no idea how he's going to serve the M&M's with his papers. I guess he's going to have to get some sort of teeny-weeny process server in M&M land.

I'm not sure if this actually falls under a trademark claim. If you want to get fancy, its the Lanham Act, put into place back in the Truman era. Back when men were men, and candies weren't required to defend against lawsuits. But, I don't know if Burck actually trademarked his BVD's and if he did, where would he put the little trademark symbol? More importantly, applying for and receiving a trademark is really really expensive, and I just have my doubts that the Naked Cowboy applied for one using the quarters and dollar bills from his guitar case.

So, the paper must have gotten it wrong - this is more likely a copyright claim. Celebrities in the United States enjoy the right of publicity  The right of publicity essentially means the celebrity’s right to the commercial value of their fame. It is considered ‘additional to and independent of the right to privacy’. A person’s name, image or other aspects of personality cannot be used on merchandise without his or her consent. For example, Vanna White successfully sued Samsung Electronics, when it used a Vanna White look-a-like robot in one of its advertisements, without her permission. This was so despite the fact that no-one could have possibly been confused that the robot was really Vanna, and I doubt that anyone is going to think that the M&M is actually Burck. Its not like the M&M had nuts. 

The first problem is that this guy is going to have is proving that as the Naked Cowboy that he is really some sort of celebrity. I mean seriously, everyone in this country is famous for something or another, and is celebrity just someone who has his butt seen by a lot of people? Does celebrity mean a side show act or basic cable? I mean come on, Burck is essentially a glorified street perfomer. He's a guy waiting for the bus. The guy isn't a celebrity, and in this weather, he's a lunatic.

Is what he does so unique, so special, that he even deserves copyright protection? My three year old sings in his underwear, and frankly, he does a better job of the Chipmunk's "Witch Doctor" than that Cowboy dude...but more importantly, does anyone think any differently after seeing the ad? Does anyone think that the Naked Cowboy is endorsing M&Ms? Would it matter more if it were a green M&M? If so, who really cares? 

It's not like I'm going to purchase something hard on the outside and chocolatey on the inside just because a Naked Cowboy tells me to. Ok, that came out really wrong sounding. To be honest, I probably wouldn't purchase something hard on the outside and chocolatey on the inside if presented by a Naked Cowboy - this is especially true if the Naked Cowboy wanted to tell me that it would melt in my mouth and not in my hands. Dude - get away from me. Is this really the future of marketing? What's next Jenna Jameson for Star-Kist? Think about that one, you'll laugh at it later. 

And in the end, and frankly, I've seen the end, its nothing that's too impressive, what exactly is this guy's measure of damages? A roll of bus tokens? C'mon. For $6 million bucks, this guy could give up being the Naked Cowboy altogether. Frankly, I think he's doing what he's done all along pushing skimpy briefs in all of our faces, and hoping to make a quick buck. Frankly, I hope that no attorney gets involved with this case and tries to procede pro boner because I wouldn't want this case to end up in a hung jury. Ok, again, nasty image, so lets wrap this one up.

It appears to me that the Naked Cowboy is just trying to squeeze M&Ms for a couple of bucks, and even though I realize that he has nowhere but his boots to stuff the money in, if I'm the defense attorney on this one, I'd offer a sincere, "I'm sorry", maybe tell my client not to renew the billboard at the end of its run, and well, maybe tell them to go ahead and give the guy enough money to buy a coat.

Far be it for me to discuss topics of which I have limitted to no clue of what I am talking about - its never stopped me in the past. Accordingly, let me dip my toe into two subjects where there certainly are far more qualified experts than myself, podcasting tech. and the stock market.

This week Wizzard media, which is made up of Libsyn, Blast Podcast, and Switchpod got itself listed on the AMEX (Symbol: WZE). As of this writing, it is trading at a very interesting $2.60 per share.

I have never been that great in picking individual stocks. I am still smarting over the MCI stock that I was given when I was thirteen years old that later went into a cat litter box. However, regarding this stock, I am very intrigued, to say the least.

First, while I remain 100% behind Podshow, and am very excited about our sucesses, it would not be credible if I didn't concede that Wizzard puts out a great product. Prior to my involvement with Podshow, I used Libsyn, which is an amazing service. Moreover, I subscribe to some great shows that are featured on Wizzard's home page, such as the Dead Pod and the PMC Top 10. In short, I have nothing bad to say about Wizzard, and they have my utmost respect.

Second, while I don't want to start the hyperbole of "this is a measuring stick for the success or failure of podcasting as a medium", I do find it fascinating as a test to see the potential profitability of a company that produces independent content in the terms of the bigger economic picture, and how independent investors, who are unfamiliar with the technical aspects of podcasts (let alone whether they even listen) view a company of this nature. While the stock price certainly doesn't coordinate with the pros and cons of the Podcasting world, a rising stock price certainly doesn't hurt anyone. Remember, a rising tide raises all boats.

In the end, this is a speculative stock, like any other. For me, as I am so invested emotionally with podcasting, it may be time to become invested financially (even more than physical stuff that I've acquired). I've always read that you are supposed to invest in stocks that correlate with your hobbies.

At the least, there's at least a chance that I'll do better than when I invested in that Chinese toy company. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Oh, and Adam and Ron - when you decide to go public, don't tell me until the announcement, I've got enough problems.

[The lawyer in me is dying to write, for more detailed advice, you should contact your financial consultant, but we'll tell that part of me to shut up already, or I'll stab it with a pencil.]

 

Bringing you the best from the Garden State. Featuring:

1. Sheri Miller
2. Del The Funky Homosapien
3. Bob Mould
4. H-Beam
5. The Alice Project 
6. Featuring John Anno.

 Dowload the show directly by clicking here

         Jack Nicholson recently endorsed Hillary Clinton, as did Barbara Streisand and Danny DeVito. Oprah Winfrey held a huge rally for Barack Obama in Iowa and recently got endorsements from Scarlette Johanson, and Will I Am of the Black Eye Peas. Mike Huckabee's endorsements lean more toward the pseudo athlete crowd garnering endorsements from Chuck Norris and the former 16-time Champion of the World, Ric "The Nature Boy" Flair - Wooo! Man that just sounds silly when I do it, but not to be out done, John McCain has received endorsements from Arnold Schwartzeneger, and the guy that usually endorses your daily intake of oatmeal, Wilfred Brimley.

      Oh yeah, and Curry is endorsing Ron Paul, and the one thing that I've learned is that you never discuss with your boss is your social life, your personal life, or your politics, but all I'll say about that is that dude, remember to pick out the stems and seeds, and if you're going to use the Economist as paper to roll joints, I'd recommend that you don't use the glossy pages as those will give you a serious headache about ten-minutes into the Bugs Bunny Bong Hour at the Castle. Let me just say this about Ron Paul. Dr. Paul, a gynolcologist, has many nice ideas, but I want my President kissing babies, not delivering babies. I want my President to be more like Teddy Rooselvelt - you know the only stirrups that he should be messing with carry him up San Juan hill. I want my President to be more like Kennedy and Clinton, you know seeing more ahem personally than professionally. I want my President to have his finger on the button, oh forget it, I don't even want to think where Ron Paul's fingers have been, but if elected President - they better put some Purel next to that button.

     That being said, feel free to quote me on this one, celebrity endorsements are the new black. In an era where we are are all busy, where we all don't have any inclination to watch the news, and where network news is a flick of the switch away from being the functional equivalent of Entertainment Tonight, is it any wonder that we look to those people who we trust, who we look to for both spiritual and emotional guidance to help us in our quest to choose the next President of the United States?

    Oh come on, I too, want to know who ALF is endorsing for President. When I pull the lever, I want to know who Engelberg from the Bad News Bears has to say about the war in Iraq. I need, need, need to base my decision of who should be the Supreme Commander of America's armed forces because the girls who wrote the song, "We like the Cars, the Cars that go Boom" say that is the guy that I should vote for.

     Yeah right. Let me tell you something about celebrities. In our culture, they are a dime a dozen, and the most of them you wouldn't let watch your kids. Most of these celebrities that we have today aren't qualfied to service the whack-a-mole at your local Chuck-E-Cheese, so what would make you think for one second that these drama club, marching band, audio-visual club graduates have any better ability than you or I to make an educated guess about the qualifications of the next president.

    They don't. 

     We've grown up in a culture where we are supposed to care what product makes Brad Pitt's teeth so white, and what makes Beyonce's boobs stand up so straight. From your Jimmy Dean sausages to your Orville Redenbocker Popcorn, its all about the name behind the product far more than the value of the product itself.

     Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for it, too. I want to "Be Like Mike" and I want to "Livestrong" with Lance. I've bought more crap because some celebrity said that it would make my hair shiner, my arm pits stink less, and my colon cleaner. Ok, that was just once...man I should edit that out, too, but Richard Gere can be some damn convincing.

     But not this time.

    This is a big election. This is perhaps the biggest election of our lifetime. In so many ways, this election may set the tone for our country for the rest of our lifetime. We have something for everyone, the liberals, the conservatives, and the bozos. Yeah, Ron Paul voters - stick that in your Jerry Brown and smoke it, and this time, you have to make up your mind on your own.

     And sure, I have my opinions of who I think would be America's Next Top Model President. Hey check that out. Is there any differences betweent this election and our other great American Election - American Idol. Sure, it comes down to the girl with the shril voice or the Southerner with the crooning sounds, and at the end of the day, isn't it awfully similar that nobody named Sanjaya has half a chance to be your American Idol and even less of a chance to be your next American President. 

    Hmm...Barack, Sanjaya. Sanjaya, Barack. Boy, the boys in marketing could have learned something about product placement with those two monikers, and at the end of the day, isn't it odd how we think more or less of someone because of their name. Now, I'll admit that Sanjaya had about the same amount of talent as Foghorn Leghorn, and hair to match, but in 2007, it was all about ethnicity and less about passion as we talked more about his name than the sound coming out of his mouth. Barack, Sanjaya. Hmm...

    All four and a half of the remaining candidates are certainly well qualified. I can say something nice about all of them: Barack brings so much to the table, enthusiasm, fresh ideas, and is free of the current political-economic establishment. Hilary brings experience, and if elected she'll give every American the recipe to those cookies that she baked on the Today show back when Bill was running. McCain, or as Wonkette calls him, Walnuts, is a certifiable....war hero, and I think deep down someone that I would have a beer with and be fascinated by his history; huckabee also seems like a decent guy, but one who would spend too much time on the blessing before dinner, again, not a bad guy but, could we just hurry up and eat, and Ron Paul doesn't like personal injury lawyers who spend tireless hours defending the rights of those tragically injured and keeping insurance companies in check, so frankly, screw you Ron Paul. 

      But remember, these aren't products. These aren't M&M's and Coca Cola. Voting for Obama won't make you any cooler or hipper.  Voting for Hilary won't make your teeth shine brighter. Voting for McWalnuts doesn't make you more tough. Voting for Huckabee doesn't bring you any closer to gd. Voting for Ron Paul - that just means your wasting your vote. Bam! That's two....bring it on Dr. Ron.

    You know why they have a curtain on the door of the of the voting booth? Because in this country, it is a tradition, no strike that, it is a fundamental right for your vote to be conducted in private, yeah and I know that the boys over at Pacific Coast Hellway are doing some nasty, nasty things in that voting booth, and no Mr. Yusi, you can't stick a quarter in the side and a little window isn't going to open for you to see Chula the Mexican Belly Dancer. Its a voting booth, and I am not going to think any less of anyone if they have a different vote than I do. Does anyone remember that George Bush was endorsed by Governor Arnold. In twenty years, is anyone going to remember that Bright Eyes sang a song in support of John Kerry. Its your personal decision, and you need to leave it at that. Frankly, I don't care who you vote for, as long as you voted. Jesus, you aren't voting for a class president, your voting with a president so do it with class. 

     And as far as who I'm voting for....well that's easy - I'm voting for.....

Sometimes, the playoffs are more interesting than the finals. Your job is to just get in the game.

I'm sorry. I know you've missed me. I've just been so busy. Work. The kids. Everything.

But don't fret, I'll be back again soon. But I appreciate you thinking of me....

By the way, I endorse Obama, too. Great, now that the Kennedys' have done it, my endorsement holds a lot less weight.

You knew this already.

But apparently, the gds of the internet have alerted me that I was setting up my feeds all wrong. Apparently, you can't have two feeds running off of the same page. It makes perfect sense to me.

But, apparently, like most of my mistakes, I have made some improvements. Accordingly, you can now subscribe to the Podcast only (by hitting the Podshow icon), or the Podcast plus the text of the essay (by clicking the other reader or rss reader icons). When I post the Podcast portion of the show to my Podshow site, I will be sure to mark it "Podcast Only."

I don't know if this will create more or less confusion, but it does give you more options.

A hyped up show, to say the least. Featuring:

1. Ike Reilly
2. Abra Moore
3. Codaphonic
4. James Power
5. Jon Crocker

Featuring Soul Summitt and the Journey Inside My Mind Podcast

Download and play the show here

 

 

       Whaaat's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld? I know that is perhaps the worst Jerry Seinfeld impersonation possible. But, it had to be done. I mean Jerry Seinfeld is an icon. He's perhaps the most single best paid comedian on network television of all time. But, I must be honest with you - I've never been all that impressed. You must understand, dear listener, I see Seinfeld's act, and the Seinfeld show and say, "yeah, and ?"

     I know that criticizing the comedic value of Jerry Seinfeld is the equivalent of beating up on the Kareem Abdul Jabaar's skyhook - it was indeed a force for a period of time, and now is in the hall of fame. But, as a member of the tribe myself, I look at him, and say, that's really not so hard. I'm sure lots of people visulaize themselves as being a character in a movie or television show. Its hard not to go to a James Bond movie, and not drive like a maniac afterward. Its difficult to go to a Rocky movie, and not want to go to the gym afterward, and its a pretty typical reaction to go to a movie involving Lindsey Lohan and want to puke.

    So that being said, I look at a Seinfeld episode and go - uhm duh....I've already lived that experience. I mean sure, I never dated a girl that was a masseuse - but I did date a girl that I wasn't that into because I liked her apartment in the city, and it was a good place to stay after the bars. The girl - woof...but great location. I never went to the soup nazi, however, there was the time when I was in the mall in Delaware and the deli had a Jewish sandwich, and I asked them whether it was made with real jews. And George, don't get me started about George - before I was the slick podcasting lawyer that you see before you, I had more Costanza episodes than there were episodes with Costanza in them.

    Let me give you my all time greatest Jersey Todd meets George Costanza episode - I was taking this girl out to dinner for weeks, and she was a really tiny girl. Very, very skinny, which is fine. But the weird thing is that she would order a huge meal, that I was paying for, and then eat none of it. I'll admit this concerned me. I mean ok, fine, maybe she was shy, or something, but this girl was ordering things like soup, and then saying - nah, I really aren't that hungry, I'll just take it home. I mean come on, who doggie bags the soup?? So, at one point, and this had to be about the third or fourth date, I'm waiting for her to get ready, and her brother goes to me, "so where are you going out tonight?" and I told him, I thought we were going to "the Outback Steakhouse" and a movie, and the kid goes to me - "Nah - I don't like Fridays." And then I got it. She was giving her brother the left overs!

    Now maybe he was making conversation, maybe he wasn't, maybe he didn't think that a Bloomin' Onion would keep in the car, but my point is - c'mon - how hard is it to write a seinfeld episode? At the end of the day, all it really takes is a couple of neurotic Northeastern jews just being themselves, and you have a recipe for a couple billion dollar enterprise.
To me, Seinfeld the TV show is just a reflection of daily life. Hell, in my screwed up existence - it looks like a reality show. 

    So, that being said - let me reiterate - "Whaaat's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld." This guy has seen the Courtroom more often than half the lawyers that work for an insurance defense firm (note: in 2008, need to beat up on insurance defense firms more). Take for example what went down when he and his wife went to buy their townhouse in 2004.  They used a nice Jewish real estate agent, Tamara Cohen, who they then went on to shtup. 

    In 2004, Cohen began showing aprtments and buildings to one of Seinfeld's managers. Then in 2005, she showed a place to Mrs. Seinfeld. Then, on Saturday Feb. 12 or Sunday Feb. 13, the Seinfelds -- having failed to reach Cohen -- went back to the house on their own. After touring the premises with the owner, they agreed to buy the building for just under $4 million. On Feb. 13, Cohen checked her messages and learned that Galistinos had called her. She then spoke with the listing broker who told her that the Seinfelds and the building's owner had agreed to a sale

       Then it turned out the Seinfelds refused to pay her commission! So Cohen sued Seinfeld, the townhouse's owner, and the listings broker. Seinfeld said he didn't know that she was an observant jew, and that's why she didn't pick up the phone. But c'mon, the guy makes over $100k in interest like per second, and he's acting like he's got to buy a new house before his adjustable rate mortgage kicks in. I mean c'mon Jerry. Well, on January 30, 2007, Supreme Court Justice Rolando T. Acosta sided with Cohen, noting the sales contract, and wacking Seinfeld for a big chunk of change. Hey, Jerry - as we say here in Jersey, nuthing for nuthing, but I'm sure you knew that Justice Acosta, before he got on the bench held various positions with Legal Aid in Harlem. Wonder what his feeling about that whole Puerto Rican day episode where the Puerto Rican flag got burned. I'm not saying anything, but, you know what I'm saying.

    I mean this wasn't a situation where Jackie Chiles could do Jerry any good.

    You would think this guy has had enough with going to Court. But like a bad rerun, he keeps coming back. Take a gander at his latest legal trouble. Missy Chase Lapine sued Jerry and his wife Jessica this week, accusing them of ripping off her cookbook. She's the author of “The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids’ Favorite Meals,�? claims that Jessica Seinfeld plagiarized her cookbook with Harper Collins’s publication of “Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food.�?  I gotta be honest, they are ridculously similar, but is it plagarism? I don't know. Just in the same way that Journey and Bad English sound really similar, it could just be two ships passing in the night. Of course, exact ships, with the exact same passengers, having the exact same destination, but I certainly could be a good juror on that case.

    But, the complaint also brings a defamation claim against Jerry Seinfeld, who in public has called Lapine a “wacko,�? a “nut job,�? and “hysterical.�? And on Letterman, Seinfeld allegedly said he was concerned that “many of the three-name people do become assassins,�? citing Mark David Chapman and James Earl Ray. 

    And I gotta admit, that claim seems pretty cut and dry, and well, Jerry, to quote Mr. Ricardo, you certainly have a lot of splainin to do. Now, I know I'm packing a lot of legally goodness into one episode, But defamation is someone uttering a public untruth that lessens someone's standing in the community. Miss Lapine is not a public figure. She has every right to have present evidence to a Court if she was indeed wronged, and shame on you to make a cheap (and frankly) lame joke at this woman's expense. Lawsuits are like burritos at Taco Bell. Everyone's entitled to have one. After two, your stomach starts hurting, and after five or six - people just think your crazy. Yup, there's your first quote of 2008 - Lawsuits are like Burritos. Write that down. But I don't think that calling a litigant a wacko and a nut job and a potential assasin, is fair and frankly, Jerry, I don't think its terribly funny.

    You see, being a comedian is not a defense. Trust me, I know how hard it is to come up with jokes all the time, and I know how hard it is - the pressure of having to feed your family based on nothing more than your mind. And I know, you Jerry Seinfeld, like the listeners of the Jersey Toddshow will use Go Daddy, and use Jersey1 at the time of checkout. But the point is Jerry, its time to start separating fact from fiction. These, in fact, are two different people.  Maybe its because he's confused, I mean there's Jerry, the main charachter in Seinfeld, and then there's Jerry, the main character in the life called Seinfeld. But he'd better start recognizing the distinction, because life is not a comedy, and there's no laugh track, and there's no commercials, and occasionally there's no happy endings. Life, Jerry, is a reality show. Because in real life, you can't short realitors their commission and play dumb and you can't go around making ha-ha at other people's expense and not expect ramifications.

      Oh and the girl that was letting her brother eat the left overs from our dates, I'll let you know what I said to her when I figured it all out - "No soup for you! One year!"

Another show, featuring your favorite ambulance chaser. Featuring:

1. The Black Crowes
2. Mama's Cooking
3. 32Ounce
4. Kristin Kitko
5. Elisa Peimer
6. Rick Barry

Download or listen to the show here

Listen to the Bartycast

Featuring PJ73 (Pedromontera)

        This holiday season, my wife's 87-year old grandfather announced that he is planning on taking the LSAT's. For you civilians out there, the LSATs stand for the Law School Admission Test, and are the test that every law student has to endure as part of the admission process into law school. It is a weird, esoteric, test, that like most things in law school has absolutely nothing to do with the actual practice of law.

     The worst part is, that while everyone is partying during their last year of college, a typical prospective law student is holed up taking more classes, and driving themselves absolutely bonkers. Because they build this test up to be the be-all-end all. Its the difference between a good law school, and having to apply to Cooley Law School in Detroit, which has a rolling admission policy. I think they gave me a start date of 2015, which is nice.  

       Let me give you a sample LSAT question. They give you the most ridiculous fact pattern.

      An amusement park roller coaster includes five cars, numbered 1 through 5 from front to back. Each car accommodates up to two riders, seated side by side. Six people—Tom, Gwen, Laurie, Mark, Paul and Jack—are riding the coaster at the same time. Laurie is sharing a car. Mark is not sharing a car and is seated immediately behind an empty car. Tom is not sharing a car with either Gwen or Paul. Gwen is riding in either the third or fourth car.

        The first question typically involves something to the effect of: Which of the following groups of riders could occupy the second car?
.
(A) Laurie only
(B) Tom and Gwen
(C) Laurie and Mark
(D) Jack and Tom
(E) Jack, Gwen, and Pau

 
     Now frankly, questions like this used to drive me absolutely nuts. I mean I have no idea why this has anything to do with the actual practice of law. All it does is teach you to draw little diagrams, and all it really shows is that you are an absolute wiz-bang test taker. Frankly, when I was applying for law school, I would have been better evaluated by playing beer pong or zonk.

     Lets work through it together: Who could occupy the second car? And this is really how my mind works. They tell us that Laurie is sharing a car, because she's a slut, so that means letter "A" is out. "B" Tom and Gwen - well they tell me that Tom is not sharing a car with either Gwen or Paul. Because well, Tom is a little funny if you know what I mean, and Paul isn't his type. Regardless, it means that Tom and Gwen aren't having a threesome in the third car of a roller coaster, which while this sounds fun, does not meet state and federal safety regulations. "C" Laurie and Mark. Well, they tell me that Mark is not sharing a car, because Mark, well is Mark, and we know what to say about him. But that being said, answer "C" Laurie and Mark is completely out, because well, Mark, doesn't like to share. Don't read too much into that one. Ok, so that leaves us with "D" Jack and Tom. Boy, they sound preppy don't they? Well, they say that Tom is not sharing a car with Gwen or Paul. Ok, unless Jack is a cross dresser, he and Tommy can canoodle their whole way through the loops. So, I'm liking D. And E - well the Answer is never E. Its just a superstition I have. E is always the bullshit one. I've probably been wrong with that - but let me see - E wants me to put Jack, Gwen and Paul in a car, but they already told me that the cars only hold two people, so "E" was trying to "F" with my head again. So, obviously, the Answer has to be "D" - Jack and Tom, the two preppy, closeted guys, holding hands on the roller coaster.

      Ok, so, this is why I did miserable on the LSATs. Not horrible mind you. Let's just say that I didn't get into Hah-vahd with my scores. Lets just say, my law school was on such a low tier that there were actual former inmates in my criminal procedure class going, "Damn! Why didn't my attorney think of that?"  Ah, Jerome, you were such a good guy. I hear that he's doing 7 to 10 in Pennsy., for assault for something that happened after he passed the bar. Guess you shouldn't have taken that day off to watch the Basketball tournament, huh?

     I mean, I'm not going to say that my law school was bad, but, I swear to gd I'm not making this up, but one of my professors used to start every lecture with, "This case comes to us from the Supreme Court, as you know I lost there." or "This case comes to us from the District Court, and as you know, I lost there, too." Seriously, I was waiting for day for him to come in to class and say, "This case comes to us from the Customer Service desk at Home Goods, and as you know I lost there, too."

      You see, the LSAT's are made for people with strategic, logical minds. Because, as we know, all succesful lawyers and law students should have the exact same skills and experiences coming into law school. Yeah, apparently, that's not how my mind works. In fact, a question like the one above should take a normal prospective law student about a minute to figure out. I would sit there for a good ten minutes and wonder why exactly was that bitch Laurie sitting with Jack, and debating why three guys would take two girls to an amusement park, and trying to figure out which guy is the loser. My guess - Tom. But that's just a guess. Tom is such a tool.

      I know, that cost me ten-minutes. But like so much of law school testing, there is no room for creative thought. There is an old story going around about the law student who was asked in a Contracts exam to discuss the legal implications of a ticket to go to a baseball game. Because, as you know, there is a ton of goodness on the back of any ticket for a sporting event - waiving everything from your right to sue them, to your right to buy beer after the seventh inning. Well, the rumor is, that that the genius of a law student just wrote "Game Cancelled Due to Rain" in the essay book and handed it in. Now I don't know what ever happened to that dude, but the rumor is that he is now the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court - or maybe not.

      I fought law school, and man oh man, did the law win. I never really wanted to actually do the course work in the way that they wanted me to. I took those 400 Page law books, and went through them like a copy of the Encyclopedia Britanica. I mean, lets get to the good stuff....why do I have to wait six-weeks to start reading about murder and mayhem. Hell, I'll take Truman Capote over Prosser on Torts any day of the week.

     But, that's not the way the way that the powers that be wanted it, and while a lot of kids ended up on the "Dean's List" I ended up on the "Dean's Other List" - you know the one where they make you take extra classes on Saturdays with some really arrogant 3rd year student. Of course, at my school, there was always talk about these tutors being on something called community service or work release, but I never really understood the whole background of that.

      Ultimately, they broke me. They broke me down. I learned how to play their game. It was somewhere after they cashed my first check of the second semester, and to be really honest, I didn't really realize how to play the spit-it-back-to-them game until it was time for the bar exam, when I sat on my deck all day and had a beard worse than Letterman's new face rug.

      So, to my grandpa-in-law, I have some advice about taking the LSATs. First, stick to the question. While Laurie, Tom, Jack, and Paul certainly appreciate your concern for their day at the amusement park, apparently, and I didn't realize this - they aren't real people. So, you might as well just answer the question and move on to the next wacky question of which type of fish is going on a northbound train, or something like that. Second, the LSAT, like law school, is not an accurate measuring tool to determine succesful lawyers. Its just another endurance test, another pledge event that allows you to get to the big fraternity mixer that is the practice of law, where you someday learn that the beer is always warm, and being a pledge is really the most fun of actually joining the fraternity. Oh, and here's the most important piece of advice:

      The Answer is never (E), and if all fails, there's always Cooley Law School.

       But who wants to live in Detroit?

 

 

Or maybe you want some nice, Podsafe, tunes....

I had to get this guy out first. Jason Moss, from Cali, is only 15-years old, and has some amazing tracks.

Download or play the show here

Today marks the official beginning of the Presidential race. My son, Charlie, insists that Barack Obama is really DJ Lance, the "host" of Yo Gabba Gabba.

Frankly, I see no similarities.

For more insightful updates, like this, check out my friends at the Talk Radio News Service.

Happy New Year Everyone. I am so pleased to see the results of the Jersey Toddshow on Google today (check out the search box). This is very exciting.

Welcome all new listeners that live in New Jersey, are alcoholics, and are affluent. You wanted to come to a nice place, and here you are.

Save me a drink.

 

A little raspy, a little tired, a little bit country, and a little bit rock n'roll. It's the JTS featuring:

1. Blood Red Sun
2. Suns of March
3. Jamesking
4. Elisa Peimer
5. LoFi Pioneer
6. Colie Brice

Featuring DJ Suicide

Checkout Transistor Rodeo

Listen to the show here.

        When Pope John Paul II died a few years back, I like you, was more than happy to enter into the speculation of who would become the new Pope. It was like Survivor-meets-the Biggest Loser meets that wacky religious channel that comes on when I'm clicking my remote somewhere between TNT and Comedy Central. I mean, as a Jewish guy, my knowledge of the international clergy is as in depth as the next Olympic Speed Skating Team, but for that brief time I was an expert in the pros and cons of the new Pope like we were discussing the style and grace of Anton Ono, because you know when the Olympics come around I am an absolute knock 'em dead expert in these kind of things. What the Olympics are what, every three years, who knows? Trust me, daddy loves the luge.

    But in regard to the Papal Erection, I mean Election - sure, sure, I had my favorites. There was the wacky Chinese cardinal, the boring looking hispanic Cardnial that looked like he should have been serving paella in Newark, the fat jolly Italian one that kind of looked like my butcher. The one with the haircut that looked like Moe from the Three Stooges. Oh wait, they all kind of had that haircut. But, the web did a great job putting up these guys bio information, and these guys were impressive - one cardinal saved a leper colony, one cardinal bathed the poor, one cardinal was Lindsey Lohan's drug and alcohol counselor. I mean these are some people with some gravitas.

     I was surprised, and shocked and also out ten dollars, when Cardinal Ratzinberger was named to be the next Pope. I had him picked as a 20-1 shot - he was my Gonzaga of the Papal Four, but hey sometimes someone gets lucky in these kind of things. My wife generally chooses her Final Four by the colors of the team uniforms, but that didn't work in this situation as all the Cardinals wore red.     But I have always been a bit skeptical of this particular Pope. I mean there's something shady about him. I mean sure, having a Pope from Germany makes the little hairs on my tallis stand at attention, and at the end of the day, this guy seemed to have as compassion of Woodsy the Owl.
     
      But look, back at the end of 2006, I made some promises. I made some resolutions if you will, and one of those resolutions is not to offend anyone on this show based on their religious beliefs, and if this particular Pope floats your boat, then who am I to criticize?

     So, that being said, I had to talk to you about the latest out of Pope Benny to the X-to-the-V-izzy-to-the-Izzy. Thats XVI to you folk or as they say in Latin - XVI. Nonetheless, Big B is coming out with a big speech on World Peace Day which is on January 1. Frankly, I don't know why we're holding a Peace day on the day that all of the good college bowl games are on, because frankly, I think that's a pretty peaceful day. No if I were to choose World Peace Day, I'd have to say it'd have to be the day when they say that Britney Spears is doing the 2-shift at the local Walmart, because on that particular day the universe will be back in realignment and that no talent trailer trash will be back doing what she was supposed to be doing but for her deal with the Devil that she signed as a Mousketress. I'm sorry, where was I, Britney Spears vacant figure head that is still somehow followed by millions of non-critical sycophants to what - oh right, the Pope. Yeah, I don't see a connection either - I don't want to offend anyone.

    Nonetheless, on this Peace day is going to urge more than a billion Catholics to ease up on the environmentalists. Let me be clear, the Pope is planning on suggesting that fears over man made emissions and all of the unprecident disasters were nothing more than scare mongering, and that even though some concerns may be valid it was absolutely, jesus christo, necessary that the international community base its policies on good hard science. Check out this quote, "Humanity today is rightly concerned about the ecological balance of tomorrow," he said in the message entitled "The Human Family, A Community of Peace". "It is important for assessments in this regard to be carried out prudently, in dialogue with experts and people of wisdom, uninhibited by ideological pressure to draw hasty conclusions, and above all with the aim of reaching agreement on a model of sustainable development capable of ensuring the well-being of all while respecting environmental balances."

     You got that right, the Prince of the Church, the man with the pointy hat, wants you and I to rely more on science more than, than, wait -what's that called - faith? You see, when its 60-degrees on Christmas day, when it feels like downtown Fiji in December in New Jersey, I don't need a MIT Professor to tell me that something is wrong with the environment. When I'm coughing out a lung in the middle of Summer, I don't need an environmentalist to tell me that, uhm, hey, maybe we shouldn't have cut down all of the trees. I mean come on, the environment is as screwy as Seth Green's career.

    What in the name of all things good, and Nemcoff, is going on here. Look, I'm not saying that I am 100% an environmentalist here. Of course not, I'm from Jersey. I drive on the Turnpike with the windows down and just suck them fumes in. Oh baby - its good stuff. But like I've told you before, I think the environmentalist movement needs to be market driven, and perhaps if you want to save the environment, the decision to save the environment is going to come from your own personal choices of what to purchase - i.e. don't be driving that SUV to Earth Day. The market is going to make the choices, and unfortunately, Mom and Pop in the middle of South Dakota are so into living with the super-sized convenience of now, that they aren't making purchases with their head, and are only thinking about the prize in their happy meal to give a crap about their kids. Its sad, but that's the market we're in.
     No, my problem here is not so much with Mom and Pop Fuddrucker, because they're going to reap what they sow - garbage in and garbage out, right. Unless your Coldplay, which is just garbage in and out. No my problem is with Pope Benny. Uhm...excuse me. Isn't your whole job based on, uhm, faith. If I needed scientists for everything, then what does that say about...uhm....bbrrrr.....religion? Dude, not to get all pedantic here, but come on.

     And when did the Pope start speaking out for big business. I mean shouldn't he be all "Save the Lord's creatures" ? But noooo, this guy is in the mode of "Don't worry about it...lets just keep researching things until we're 100% sure things are messed up. Hey, look, you're a good person - you'll go to Heaven, so what are you worrying about with this environmental nonsense" Please, don't make me sic those guys from Mythbusters on the Bible. They've been very nice up to now messing with shooting potatoes and blowing up toilets, but you know if they started getting involved with burning bushes and walking on water, there'd be some serious splainin to do.

    That being said Popey, ease off. Faith isn't something that religion has a monopoly on. I can see in the happiness and the laughter of my children, the beauty of nature, and in that the Knicks someday will be better in the future, that there is something out there greater than myself, hey that's just my belief, my faith if you will, and when its 40 degrees in Florida and 60 degrees in New Jersey in December, and my kids are wearing shorts on Winter Break, I have faith that something is just wrong with the environment.

    Because Pope, if we don't start relying upon faith a little bit and just stop taking the environment for granted there's going to come a point when you go to the woods to take a deuce, and there's not going to be any woods left for you - then what are you going to do.

    Did I just end this rant with a "does the Pope crap in the woods" reference?

    Its going to be a long year 2008 folks.

Wired on too little sleep, and too much rock n' roll - this is the JTS for December 2007. Featuring:

1. The Beautiful Girls
2. The Maine
3. Alice Smith
4. Joe Purdy
5. Tommy Strazza and the Model Citizens
6. Jim Testa
7. Aloud

Featuring Marimbas from Mother Africa

Download the show here

         I am not one to talk about my celebrity encounters. In fact, other than Adam Curry, I can't say that I've had that many. Of course, with Adam, it generally involves him making me shine his Headbangers Ball bedazzler jacket, and he promises me that if I get it right, he'll let me have his gold album that Saxon gave him in 1982, so I'm really working hard on it. Hey, its not like Kevin Seal ever offered me anything.

       I did have one celebrity encounter about two or three years ago that I've never shared with you. I was in the bathroom of New York City's Ruth's Chris Steakhouse during a a bachelor party. I was happily doing my thing at the urinal, and in walks in, none other than future first ballot Hall-of-Famer, Cy Young Winner, Roger Clemens, oh wait I wrote that last week - let me fix that one sec - and in walks in steroid abuser and cheater, Roger Clemens -  and he starts doing his business at the urinal next to me. Now, I clearly know who he is, and well, this was before the podcast, so he hadn't yet heard of me, and bbwe're just there both staring at the wall, trying not really acknowledge each other or have a Larry Craig moment. What do I care? I'm a Met fan, and lets face it, if I were to insert a joke at this point about pitchers and catchers, at this point, I believe you would think less of me as a human being, and it would cheapen the very soul of the podcast that you have come to love and respect. Uh huh huh - pitchers and catchers. 

    I'm sure it was only the matter of a minute, but when we finished it begged the question. I certainly didn't want to shake his hand. I'm not exactly going to have him autograph one of those brown paper towels that smell like my first-grade teacher, and on a guy-guy level, I've never been that big a fan of really going oh-my-gd crazy when I meet a male athlete, actor, or musician. Its just not cool. You know, fuggetabout, we're both guys, you just happen to make millions of dollars playing a child's game and I, well, help injured people recover their life, and compel major corporations to comply with the law. Did I mention that you get millions of dollars for playing a child's game. Not like I'm bitter or anything, and frankly the highlight of my atheletic career was when I was on the wrestling team and was part of one of the fastest matches in the history of the State of New Jersey. Unfortunately, I was on the receiving end. That was pretty much my wrestling career in a nutshell, but more about that some other time. Sending a celebrity a drink. Classy. Picking up your favorite athlete's check for dinner. Classy. Slobbering all over them like you were an 8th-grade girl and they were Justin Timberlake is just embarrassing.

     So, Roger and I kind of did that, "yo what's up" head nod to each other, and moved on with our lives. Of course, when I got back to the table I played it off with a very cool, "yeah, I just ran into Roger Clemens, and asked him if he wanted to join us for a drink. He said that he'd be over if Andy Petite didn't want to go get a double-machiato at the Starbucks. Oh you know that Andy and Roger, what maroons."

     That brings me to my subject of this weeks expose. The guy-guy code. As a New Jerseyian, I am a strong believer in it. There is just an unwritten law, a law, that is in fact greater than the actual statutory law, but a law written by men for men. Ladies, I'd love to say this isn't a sexist rant, but it is. There are just certain things, that I am never going to understand: the difference between Manolo's and jimmy chus; why women are voting for Hillary; why pregnancy monthly magazine comes in a 12-month subscription, and there are certain things that you simply are not going to understand about men. Tim Allen made a career about it. No, I'm not doing the monkey voice - do it yourself - I'll leave a little space for you.......man that just sounds silly.

     More importantly, the guy-guy code was never something taught to me, per Se, and maybe is just an expansion of the golden rule - the do on to others, or expect to get a whack on the back of the head, and everyone laughing.

      Just look at the news, the news is knee-deep in violations of the guy-guy code. I love this story: the great Evil Knievel recently passed away. In 1977, Evil was represented by Shelly Saltman. Saltman had helped him with the promotion for jumping Snake Canyon. Well, Saltman went on to write a tell-all book, which according to Evil, characterized him as an alcoholic and an anti-Semite. Evil Knievel, did what he thought was right, and went after Saltman with a baseball bat. A little fronteir justice. But, dude, seriously - do you really think that someone who would launch himself over twelve buses with nothing more than a helmet had a real good grasp on reality to begin with. I mean I loved Evil Knieval. I have a little scar on my hand from where one of the sparks from one of his toys burned me, but at a certain point, did he really need the helmet? I mean by the end of his career the guy had the physique of a boneless chicken.

     Please, I can honestly say that in the same position, that wouldn't have been my first impression of what to do, but to quote Chris Rock, I understand, and from Evil Knieval, I wouldn't have expected anything less.

     That being said, Saltman ended up with a badly broken arm and a judgment against Evil for 12.5 million dollars, which I must be honest about seems massively excessive in proportion to the injury. I mean think about it the "victim" in the Isaiah Thomas and the Knicks lawsuit only got $11 million, and I know you may be saying, "Hey, JT, what's a million dollars between us swinging guys." And to you, I think that the woman in the Isiah Thomas situation suffered far more than this Mr. Saltman, and while I think both of them deserved a gift-card to Best Buy and a ride on the "I contributed to my own injury" school bus, the fact of the matter is that while both Saltman and Isiah will never have the same of motion with their wrist (eh, you get where I'm going with that), Saltman's judgement in 1977 is so grossly out-of-proportion in 2007 dollars, that its just laughable. 

     Evil Knieval somehow was able to avoid paying on the judgement for over 30-years. Now Saltman is trying to get the money out of the estate, and frankly, in my opinion he should go fish. I mean on a guy-guy level, you just simply do not sell your friends out like that, and while Saltman continues to tell people that he was just trying to paint an accurate picture it remains, almost thirty-years later blatantly obvious that he sold Knievel out, and in the warped mind of a man that paid for the college funds of half of southern California's orthopedist's kids a broken arm, to him, is like a little smack on the butt....get out of here with that book you crazy kid. Of course, while the law entitles this Saltman guy to get paid - but how much is permanently damaged arm when this guy has so much disability already for having his head planted firmly up his butt. Boy, I would have hated to have been the Judge on that one.

    So, to Shelly Saltman. Let sleeping dogs lie. I'm not saying that you didn't have a case, and certainly what Evil Knievel did was criminally prosecutable and civilly compensable, but in the end, I think that the jury reached the wrong result. The purpose of the civil court is to make you whole, to compensate you for what you have lost and punish you from ever hurting anyone again. I don't think that any amount of money could get Mr. Saltman's Mr. Roboto arm back in slot-machine pulling shape. Money is never the answer. No, the answer would have been for Saltman to get a free shot at Evil Knievel - eh to a guy who's broken 40-bones, what's one more.  

     At the end of the day, Mr. Saltman didn't just have a brush with a celebrity, he developed a business relationship with someone in the public eye. He gained that individual's trust, and then spun it back for his own personal profit, and that's just not right on a guy-guy level or on any level, and anyone who uses their encounters with celebrities for their own gain deserves what they get.

      So, going back to Roger Clemens. He and I did share that guy-guy moment. We bonded in that short time together. All I can report to you is that, well, he certainly does pitch righty, and as far as a "Rocket"  - not so-much - more like one of those little nano-tech missle thingies.

     Crap. Roger Clemens is going to break my arm.

Thanks to Kelly at the Star-Ledger regarding this great article about NJ Podcasting!

If you aren't playing around with it, I highly recommend that you check out Netvibes. I like to call it "One Web Page to Rule Them All" but then again, I'm a geek who has seen the Hobbit one too many times.

You can even get your own Jersey Toddshow widget there, which I thought was pretty darn cool.

I can't believe that I missed the obvious joke:

From KChrisH on Twitter:

"@jerseytodd: every time an RIAA exec gets beheaded, an angel gets its wings :P (ref: show 103)"

 

This one's gonna get me in some trouble. But if we're gonna go, I've got some great music.

1. Brother Love
2. Stratospheerius
3. Q-Ball
4. DJ Dax v. Born 2 B
5. Brett Dennen

Featuring Teddy Presberg

Listen to the show by clicking here

Oh those wacky Middle Easteners, they’re at it again. Apparently, they are going all camel crazy. In Khartoum this week, thousands of protestors, armed with clubs and knives were calling for the head of a British teacher who allowed her classroom of students to vote for a class mascot named “Muhammed�?.

The teacher, named Gillian Gibbons, worked at an extremely affluent school in Sudan, and had one of the kids bring in a teddy bear; the class voted to name it Mohammed, and the kids were assigned the task of writing a diary entry about  “my bear mohammed�? which she compiled into a book for all of them.

There hasn’t been a worse idea for the continuance of a kid’s project since Bush decided to keep reading “My Pet Goat�?.

Here's where the story gets really wacky. Somehow, an office assistant for the school found out about this project and complained to the Ministry of Education, which frankly sounds like something straight out of the Wall. Imans leave them kids alone. But, this teacher got busted by the Muslim cops for dissing Allah, and she was originally going to sentenced for 40 lashes. The sentence is now being reduced to 15 days in a Sudanese jail, which I'm sure is a ton of fun.

I have so many questions regarding this situation. First, off who knew that Khartoum isn't just the name of the horse in the Godfather. Jeez, and if you got that reference, you’re certainly a-head of the game. Oh man, I’m horrible. That joke fell as flat as Moe Green’s eyesight.

That being said, and to paraphrase Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, what’s the deal with this Muslim Police? I’ve got to find out more information about these folks. I just have this vision of guys sitting around a dirty office building drinking coffee and eating donuts until a call comes in – “There’s a woman naming a teddy bear Mohammed at a school�? and they jump into some ratty old Russian police car from the 1960’s but instead of a siren, they’ve got some kid on the roof yelling AyAyAya!!!

I mean do these people use guns? Or are they like the British and just kind of yell at you. “By the Power of Mohammed, I instruct you to stop.�? Do they all like carry staves that can turn into a snake? I mean is there rankings in the Muslim Religious Police. Get the folks in here from Podshow Press – I’ve got a book idea – Sheik Doo-Ron-Ron, Detective.

Then this lady had a trial. Oh man. Now I’ll be the first to tell you that I have no clue about the Sudanese system of jurisprudence, but lets talk about 12-Angry Men. I mean these are 12-Really Angry Men. I can only imagine the voir dire:
“Are you to judge this case completely partially ….�?

“Guilty�?

“Wait let me finish the question – are you able to judge this case partially, and without regard for the evidence.�?

“So help me Allah.�?

“Good, you’re on�?

I haven’t appeared before a more hostile jury than the time that I appeared in a Court in the Summer when it was 100 degrees in the Courtroom, and the air conditioner had broken, and it was chili day in the cafeteria.

But once again, I try to distract you from the real issue here, because this story is not about me, this story is about a teacher with less sensitivity training than Don Imus

But the real problem here are all of these Sudanese guys. I mean come on. Can’t we all get along. I know you want to party like its 1699, but we’re past it, and you folks should be holding bake sales rather than axes. You should be having PTA Meetings instead of firing your guns in the air asking for teachers to be killed. Boy, in a Muslim school if someone tells you that they want you to go to the head of the class…(pause)….you’d better be nervous.

Now, I hope you don’t think that I am beating up on the whole Muslim religion, because that’s just dumb, and uhm, dangerous. Because, at its core, there are some beautiful and righteous people and beliefs here, but when we start talking about teachers being lashed in this circumstance, its just silly and completely off the point of what the religion would want. Mass hysteria over a bear? I haven’t seen hysterics since Christmas 86 and the Cabbage Patch Dolls.

I mean come on you guys these are your kids who voted for the teddy bear being named Mohammed. All the kids in the class, you know them: Al-Mohmmed, Mohammed Al JiBooty, Moe; the other boy Hammed, the boy into rap Mizzytothehizzy, uhm who else, oh Mohammed, and that other kid, the shy one M. And all the girls voted for the bear to be named Mohammed, Mona, Mo, the girl that's into field hockey, what's her name - oh yeah Mohammed.

My point is, that these kids are on a 24-hour diet of Mohammed. You've got them on so much Mohammed that they're already looking for uhm Mo Better Mo, and its no wonder at all that they named their favorite thing in the class room after Mohammed and maybe just maybe you should be celebrating the fact that these kids chose to vote for their favorite thing after a religious superstar.

This was never about triviliazing Mohammed, and it shouldn't be. Maybe you'd disagree, but you know what as a Northeast Jewish lawyer, I don't know if I'd be invited over to anyone's house for tea and goat brains anytime soon in Sudan.

That being said, I think we can all agree on one thing, my Muslim brothers, and I’m going to switch gears quicker than Lance Armstrong in the hills of France. But, my Eastern friends are upset about the Americanization of their culture. They are upset about the watering down of their moral base, and brash commercialization that the West has thrust upon them.

Let me take this space to say. I agree with you 100%. We are on the same page. We should be working together. You kids have spunk. You have organization. You have machetes. I think all you need is the right target, and we’d get it all together.

Who is responsible for Britney Spears? Who is responsible for letting women like Celine Dion out in public without their head covered? And really, she does need here head covered, right? Who is responsible for such morally degrading songs as Axel F by Crazy Frog – De De De …. Oh man, I don’t care if you’re a Hindu, a Christian, Muslim, or Member of the Tribe like myself, that puppy still sticks in your head., and I’ll tell you what, how many Christians, Muslims and Jews are annoying the crap out of every person with a cellphone. This is an international conspiracy to distract people from the study of religion!  

Who is responsible for all of this madness, the Recording Industry Association of America. The RIAA. In fact, I think in their secret headquarters in the basement of the Octogon, the RIAA may stand for Rejecting Islam and Allah.     

Think about it – Islam is for families. The RIAA sues grandmothers.Think about it – Islam is for respecting our ancestors. The RIAA sues dead people. Think about it – Islam is for keeping women safe. The RIAA sues single mothers.

          Islam is a beautiful religion that supports sharing and friendship and the bonds of men. The RIAA wants men not to share.

So, come on all my axe welding, torch bearing, Koran thumping brothers and sisters, join us. Lets get some hustle behind all of that muscle. I’m not talking about beheading anyone, although, I gotta think that beheading a RIAA executive would be pretty easy considering all of the air in between the ears, because the whole beheading thing is so dated. No, you’re strength is your wack-a-doo chanting and rioting. Its really good stuff. Scarry.

I think once you guys are going to feel a lot better about yourselves, you’re gonna feel like your accomplishing something, and I think that you’ll be moving the social dialogue further when you’re protesting a real evil and not beating up on some fat British teacher and a dumb teddy bear.