It's a sad day to be an Australian. I can't believe that the Court's attitude is that since their punishment won't be a deterrent, that they should give a reduced penalty.

Another amazing comeback for Sly, for better or worse.

       That's right kids, that patented Rocky comeback ability � that was nothing more than roid rage, and the chisled look didn't come from running up the steps of the Art Museum, it came from performance enhancing steroids.  For some reason, I can accept that Barry Bonds and major league atheletes use steroids, but Rocky on roids just really burns me up, on so many levels. 

      At the most basic, here is a guy that portrays the image of hard work. I've gone to the gym for years (well, not recently, but I've got scuses. Send me a nano, and I'll think about it). Now Rocky was the guy that told you that at the very basic, you didn't need a fancy gym membership to get in shape, you could go out in the alleyway and chase a chicken. Speed, speed is what we need. How many times have I run up the stairs of a building and got to the top and put my hands in the air and waved it around like I just accomplished something. Actually, now that I'm turning into an old man during allergy season, running up the stairs, that is a big deal, but I digress.     

        You see, today, Rocky isn't in the back alley, chasing a chicken � nope, he's in that alley peddling roids, and that just makes me sad.  But this bothers me on the personal level, too. You know, because of the relationship Sly and I have had for the last twenty years. Lets be honest, he's made some bad, bad movies, but you know he's also made some pretty darn good ones too. The best one that he's made in 20-years, Copland. Yeah, it's a bit long in parts, and a little bloated in the amount of "stars" involved, but what I loved about Sly in this movie is that he was willing to put on about 100-pounds to play the role of a small town New Jersey cop. I thought he did a great job, and while his performance was certainly not Oscar worthy, it really made me feel that this guy took his craft a little bit more seriously than he did in "Demolition Man".

       But, I guess not. I'm not sixty-years old, and I certainly have a face made for podcasting, but I can't imagine being that vain. I can't imagine the need to break the law, I can't imagine the need to sacrifice my health and future just to look like a body builder. I mean seriously, this isn't some second string defensive end from Texas trying to make Varsity, this is a guy who has all the money in the world, and is taking steroids for maintenance? Give me a break. 

       Now I don't begrudge aging celebrities from getting some work done in an effort to save their "spot." However, botox, facelifts, and boob jobs � well, they're all legal, just ask Goldie Hawn. Jeez, she�s had more work on her than HUD housing. My god Goldie Hawn has had so much work on her that ever time she leaves her house that Ty guy from Extreme Makeover starts yelling, bus driver move that bus! But when you start importing illegal roids into another country you've pushed vanity up the list of the several deadly sins.

       Speaking of movies, here's one that I can't see Stallone doing a remake of � Midnight Express Yeah, he brought 48 vials�.48 vials of steroids. I mean this guy had to know that this was illegal, he had to know that what he was doing was wrong, and you have to think that he knows that dropping 22K to get out of going to jail is the best friggin' money he could have spent. If it were Rocky's world, and not Sly's world, well Rock would be singing Dancing Matilda until after Barack's second term at the very least (see how I snuck that in there).

        In thinking about my man Holden Caufield, its almost like he so badly wanted to maintain his childlike innocence. He wanted so bad to see the world as he wanted it to be, rather than the world that its is. He put on blinders to the world, and he knowingly made choices that ultimately kept him from living a full life. Slyvester Stallone � he's made choices too, and he's sacrificing his health and potentially his freedom for just one more round of fame and power. If that's not a "phony", I don't know who is.

      This is just another thing, another shot to the head, just another shot to the body, and while its not the knock-out punch that would put Stallone out of our consciousness entirely, its clear he's losing on points. Sly has to know that fighting Father Time and Mother Nature is the one fight that he'll never win, and in regard to this fight, maybe Rocky needs to do the one thing he should have done Appollo Creed, because instead of loading up on roids, its time that Rocky throws in the towel.

Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years....with a froggy throat and a crying baby, its the JTS. Featuring:

1. Emerson Hart
2. Geoff Smith
3. Ben Wilmott
4. Jacye Guerin
5. The Lascivious Biddies

Featuring John Anno and the Mothman and his Shamless Plugcast

Don't forget your GoDaddy and Tylenol PM

Download the show HERE

        For me, Paris Whitney Hilton has always been sort of a punch line. She's never really deserved her own essay. She's pretty much been the predicate of a sentence that starts out something like, the RIAA press people are bigger ho's than, well, Paris Hilton. 

         But she's finally worked her way up the celebrity dog pile to something that's in my neck of the woods. After being laid on more floors than Mr. Clean, Paris has finally been laid bare on the hard wood of the judicial system, but most importantly it appears that she is going to have to do some hard time.

          Paris Hilton's original DUI charges alleging that on September 27, 2006 she was driving while under the influence, and while "under the combined influence of an alcoholic beverage and a drug. In January 2007 she subsequently pleaded no contest to reckless driving charges stemming from the incident. A judge sentenced her to 3 years of probation, mandatory attendance at an alcohol education program, and fines of $1,500.

      On May 4, 2007, a judge sentenced Hilton to 45 days in jail for violating the terms of her probation. According to prosecutors, she failed to enroll in an alcohol education course by mid-April 2007, and was stopped for two more traffic violations, including driving with a suspended license.

      Now what I find fascinating is the utter disregard that Paris Hilton has for the law. At the time of the sentencing, a prosecutor requested jail time, and her mother, the extremely maternal Hilda Van Starling Poofy Miffy Hilton (at least I think that was her name), actually had the balls to laugh out loud. Now, I have been to a billion sentencing hearings, and it is pretty safe to say that the only person that should be laughing is the stenographer when they realize how much money they should be making for the transcript.

      It is this utter disregard of the law that got her into trouble in the first place. I mean what exactly was the Judge supposed to do? Celebrity aside, this is a young girl who clearly has a substance problem, and clearly has no idea what any kind of personal responsibility is, and what did she expect to happen that she was going to do, walk? Of course not.

      But what really gets me riled up, is that there's an online Petition trying to get Guvnah Ahnold to actually pardon her. I'll put the link in the show notes, and the arguments here are just fascinating. The first argument is that she provides, hope and beauty to America's youth. Really? Does she? Which youth exactly are we talking about? Trust me, most inner city kids couldn't give a crap about some rich white girl. Hope? For what? Jeez, I hope in my next life I'll be reincarnated into someone that hasn't had to work a day in their life? Beauty? Really? Is she? Despite her preening, I don't look at Paris Hilton as beautiful, I look at her as a 26-year old child that's going to age very very badly. Oil of Olay up, baby, you're gonna need it in the next ten years.

      The second point is that, well gee wilkers Governor, lots and lots of celebrities, like Tracey Morgan, Mel Gibson, Wynonna Judd, well they get stopped for DUI and they don't have to go to jail but Paris does. Well, say what you want about Wynonna (bloated), Mel Gibson (Nazi), and Tracey Morgan (oh man, I can't say anything bad about Tracey Morgan. Man, you so funny! Much love bro), but say what you want about these people, these were all first offenses. Lets put out a word that Paris Hilton can't begin to spell, recidivist. Malinger, and bulimic are also big words too, but the point being that this is a girl that is going to hurt someone if she does not immediately clean up her act, and hey, if it means hanging out in jail for a couple of weeks to scare her straight then as we say here in Joisey, she gotta go.

      In the end, what I don't think that anyone really understands is that I don't think that anyone understands is that 45-days isn't some sort of number picked out of the air. The criminal system in California, like the Federal system, is very much based off guidelines. They pretty much take the discretion out of the Judge's hands. For the prosecutor in this case, this one was as smooth as a Larry Bird layup.

     On Show Number 86, I made some comments that didn't go over very well with some people that use Linux. If you remember, there was a whole brouhaha over some stupid code that will let you copy DVD's and will let you play them on a linux computer. I still believe that you can't go around hacking things just because they don't work on your computer, if that's your main justification. From what I hear, that's really the main affirmative argument for this silly code. Then again, I can't get Blu-Ray discs to play on my toaster no matter how hard I push them in.

      That being said, one listener, whose name you can find on the website that is of no relation to Gary Coleman or George Foster, told me that I lost him as a listener. He said, today's tirade and insulting comments towards the linux community have pushed you off my podcatcher playlist. Your insulting attitude and comments are exactly the same type of specious argument that the new media community needs to fight against, not embrace. You are one step away from being in the RIAA and MPAA's hip pocket."   Another listener, no relation to Jim or Tammy Bakker,  or economist Alan Keyes, wrote me and told me "Sorry Jersey Todd, but you're not getting it. It's not about "make copies of movies that you didn't pay for", it's about freedom to choose something else than Windows om my computer.Yeah, I'm a Linux user, go ahead make fun of me. I can handle it. Please realize that a lot of your listeners are Linux users."  Ok lets break this down, guys. A specious argument. Lets talk about that. Of course, a specious argument is one by definition that looks good at first, but is really false. Well, thank you voice of god. Thank you oh voice of higher authority.. If there's anything I can't stand around here its speciousness. Thank you, thank you, for countering my specious argument with an even more specious argument. Its good when a bunch of guys can just sit around and just be specious with each other. I wouldn't want to think you were just throwing around a word because it sounded impressive. To say that I'm a step away from representing the RIAA and the MPAA, - dude, I'm a frigging podcaster. Everything I've done for the past two years have been about screwing around with their status quo. So for you to even imply that I would represent the RIAA with their really great pension plan, their impressive wood offices, their smoking hot secretaries, their good pay, and their gourmet cafeteria is just plain wrong. Even to imply that is just plain, specious.  

       Speaking of wanting to impress me. You use Linux, oooh. Impressive. Great. Good for you. I can't even figure out how to get my printer to work half the time. My computer is so old it comes with a tape deck. My computer is such a piece of crap, that I sometimes have to roll it down the hill just to get the thing started. My computer is such a piece of crap, that Nigerian spammers feel bad for me and are trying to buy me a new one. Thanks Mgumbu. You da man.  

      Some people collect Pokemon cards, you guys play around with Linux. Jeez, oh man, I mean if that's your hobby, great. Who am I to ruin your buzz. If you don't want to pay Microsoft or Apple, fantastic. If you want to use a word processor from 1982 because its free, great. Frankly, it blips up on my radar as often as, as often as, well never. Its an operating system. The good ol' OS. The backbone to the computer. Guys, as long as the lights come on, and the computer doesn't blow up I could be using software created by the Russian mob. It just doesn't matter to me. Its like debating whether I should be using a bic pen or a eraser mate. As the guys that I used to know from West Point used to say, it just doesn't matt-re.

        Look, its beautiful if you use Linux. Its beautiful if you use Ubuntuu, whatever that is. Its beautiful if you want to be one of the small percentage of people that live in an alternate reality using an alternate computer system is just beautiful. But just because something is perceived to be beautiful doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want. You can't go around just ignoring the law, and if the law says not to do something and you go ahead and do it, you're going to have to suffer the consequences.  

        Just ask Paris.  

Back in the saddle again, its your favorite podcasting attorney, J-T-O-to the Double D. Just having some fun with some great artists, including:

1. Drew Vics
2. Jeff Mallon
3. Geoff Smith
4. The Alice Project
5. Junior
6. Fishing for Comets

Remember your Tylenol PM and your Go Daddy

Download the show here

          Ok, kids, lets get this out of the way shall we? Nascar. Pro-Wrestling, the "View", McDonalds, Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, Deal or no Deal, Britney's Crotch and Lindsey Lohan's alcoholic bullshit, and Rosie O'Donnell is a loud mouth crackpot that wouldn't have the credibility of an insane homeless person but for the fact that she waddled into a b-movie with Dan Ackroyd and can do a half-way decent Betty Rubble laugh.

             Ok, good, I got that out of my system. This week I need to talk to you about something near and dear to my heart. I just needed to get the usual suspects out of my brain. The law. Now if you're a lawyer, you can put your Bruno Maligia shoes up on the desk, and take a puff off your stogie and just smirk through this one with me, because we need to talk. Now when I talk about the law, I don't mean the dusty old crap in the books. I mean the practice of law, the day to day in the trenches, mano e mano, headbutts and foreign objects are legal, just let me go home by six o'clock practice of law.

            People come to my office all the time, and think that I can just wave my magic wand, and lets be honest, it is magic, and have everything quickly wrapped up in a nice little package before the end of the next commercial. I can't. All I can do is present your arguments in a way that makes some sort of sense. Sometimes, the situation is so bad before it hits my desk that I'm not sure sometimes if the people want a lawyer or a mortician.

            The problem is very simple. People have too high an expectation of the law and what lawyers can do for them. The problem is that everyone, everyone thinks that they are right, which is absolutely impossible. The other problem is that everyone thinks that their claim, their injury, their lawsuit is the one that is the most pressing one since Bruno Hauptman stole Lindbergh's baby.          

            Take for example the case of Judge Roy L. Pearson Jr. of Washington. In 2005, he brought some suits to the dry cleaners of Mr. and Mrs. Chung that they worked with their son Soo. When he got them back, a pair of pants were missing. He requested more than the full price of the suit, $1000. But a week later, the Chung's found the pants and didn't want to give him the $1000. Rather than doing the right thing, the honorable thing, the judicious thing and taking the goddamn pants, Judge Pearson wanted to press the whole suit thing more and try to take the cleaners to the cleaners. Ok that's the worst bit of word play on this show ever, but you get my point. He sued.

             The Chung's tried to settle. They offered $3000, then $4600 then $12000. But no, Judge Pearson demanded $15,000 because he calculated that he needed to rent a car for 10 years to go to another dry cleaner. I know ridiculous.

             But here's where it gets even more bizarre. He is now requesting $65 million dollars because he thinks that the Washington consumer protection law imposes fines of $1500 per day, per violation. So dummy boy counted up 12-violations over 1200 days and multiplied by three defendants. I know ridiculous. He says that because the Chung's had a sign up that said "Satisfaction Guarunteed" that some how this equates to fraud.

             This is a Judge we're talking about. Someone who apparently either knows the law well enough or knows the system well enough to get appointed to the black robe and the gavel. But rather than just suiting up and walking away, this imbecile thinks that he can ding Chueng's insurance for as much as he can get. The Cheung's, well, they're sick of it, and are moving back to Seoul after immigrating here, and setting up their own small business.

             Their trial is set June 11, and you just know at the end of the day, Judge Pearson is never going to come close to $65 million. At best, a Washington Judge, or Judge Judy, or Judge Mathias, or my old cat named Judge is going to award him the price of his suit and get on with it.         

            But this is part of the epidemic in this country. People who think that the law is the income source of last resort, or maybe it's a place where they can publicly set out on a path of racist behavior under the auspices of the of the statues of justice. Either way, this guy not only should be disbarred and sent to live on an island with Richard Hatch.

             But Pearson's not the only one who thinks that the law is only their for them, and only in the situations that they want it to apply. Here's a right turn for you; and if you're not a geeky person, then this one's gonna take some splainin' cause I'm not sure if even I understand the whole story.

             This past week some techy person discovered some sort of hex code that when entered into a computer would allow the user to copy HD-DVD's. I'm not even sure what a hex code is. I thought it was something that the Scarlet Witch used to pop on bad guys in the old Avenger's comic. Regardless, the story got posted to digg.com, and Bert and Ernie, or Kevin and Alex, whatever their names are, for as much as I think that they are really some self-serving jerks, actually made the right call on this one. They took the articles with this hex code down. Not because they get sponsored by companies that are involved with this technology, though I think that's a part of it, but because they could get sued for having it on their web site, and if they did get sued they'd get banged good, which is what I guess they like (note to self: need to write more for Mark Yoshi Nemcoff, JTS having a little too much PCH flavor this week).

             This is when all he-double-hockey sticks broke out. All the fans of Digg.com went bonkers. They posted the code in songs. They hid it in pictures. The code is in more people's hands than the Da Vinci Code on a beach in Aruba. Ultimately, Felix and Oscar gave up and just let everything go, and you can go over there and get the stupid string of code yourself. Here, I'll give it to you too. B5-I69-N2-G1.5-Omygoodness. Oh wait, that wasn't the code, but apparently I would have won if I played Bingo at the synagogue this week.  

             Now, to me, from my perspective and my world. I gotta commend Abbott and Costello. They should have tried to take the code down. They were absolutely right. The whole purpose of this code was so that you could screw over the DVD companies and make copies of movies that you didn't pay for. You know its wrong and I know its wrong. Go to Target and pay $20.00 for "Miss Congeniality II" like everyone else. Oh, and please, please don't tell me that the code is necessary to play HD-DVD's on a computer running Linux. Jesus, if you're watching your movies on a Linux computer, then you're one 8-sided die from busting through the space-time-geek continuum. Take the throttle back a few steps, Nimrod. It will be ok. Pull your hands away from the dual screen, ergonomic super computer, and go get some fresh air.

            The law is pretty clear. If you didn't pay for something you can't steal it. This is exactly the kind of behavior that makes the entertainment industry want to screw with us even more. It's the exact example that they're going to use when they want to put more restrictions on your content. It's the reason why you can't play a song that you purchased on one computer on another computer. It's the reason why the RIAA is going to try to sue you're grandmother for making copies of her Perry Como albums.

            But everyone knew the law. But they were greedy. Rather than just letting things go, people pushed as hard as a guy who wants $65 million dollars for a pair of lost pants. Now the code is as probably as effective Alec Baldwin looking at Kim Bassinger in Playboy.  

            In the end, as much as I want to help everyone that comes into my office. There are a lot of people that need the law, and a lot of people that the law can help. But, not everyone. Not everyone is entitled to get everything that they want out of life, be that million dollar trousers or free movies. The great British philosopher, Sir Mick Jagger said it best, "You can't always get what you want."

            Great, now I'm going get sued, too.